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Category: Unexpected Sex (Page 1 of 5)

Pamela Anderson Newsjacks Anthony Weiner to Talk About Porn

Recently, an unexpected duo wrote an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal of all places to decry porn as the death of civilization. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and Pamela Anderson, ambassador of the sexy decorative person profession, collaborated on this missive and used Anthony Weiner as an example of a man destroyed by porn. Now, before I move on to agree with much of this piece, let me assault its newsjacking practices.

Anthony Weiner and his wife are separating this week because Weiner, who was exposed as a habitual sexter of strangers a few years ago, did not actually stop sending photos of his penis to strangers. As perpetual bringer of embarrassment to his family, Weiner is now out with the entire world. He was not undone because of a porn habit. He was undone because his incredible need for sexual validation was executed in a careless way bringing negative attention to everybody around him because it involved other non-discreet participants. If Anthony Weiner’s problem was porn, we wouldn’t hear about it as the consumption of porn is usually done in private. Sure, we’re all aware of that guy at work who got caught watching or downloading porn… But generally, most people do not get into career-ending trouble for porn. Weiner’s sexting habits are different than the issues Boteach and Anderson wanted to address in the WSJ piece and they should not have newsjacked Anthony Weiner to get their point across.

That being said. Yes, porn is the end of civilization!

I for one am glad to read Anderson’s thought on the subject. She is, after all, a veteran of the industry of seduction. Throughout her career she has shown up on time and participated in countless media that uses her sexuality, or rather, her immense appeal as a sexy person, to market everything, but not sex directly. Anderson also dated and married men who fall under the category of the sexually jaded. Rock stars who enjoy access to a lot of sexual partners tend to develop the exact same issues we see in obsessive porn consumers. Porn is simply the democratization of the consumption of weaponized female sexuality. Porn is like candy, it stimulates the brain but contains no nutrition. It works really well, until it stops working really well. Every person will respond to this stimulus differently.

It would be wonderful if porn contained useful information about the human body, about sex and sexuality or about women. But it doesn’t. This aspect of porn is most amazing. It’s such a huge body of work that avoids ever providing useful real world insight into human relationship or sexual techniques. But then again, a t-shirt that says “POWER” won’t make you powerful. And that’s the point. Porn is meant to turn the porn user into a perpetual porn user by way of emotionally separating them from their entourage. And it is this separation that Anderson and Boteach talk about in the piece. The world certainly doesn’t need yet another porn movie, especially one that is indistinguishable from the last, but there will always be porn. Porn will always be free and available to 10 year old boys on their phone. So how do we foster a generation of people who DGAF about porn?

I happen to be someone who grew up with porn. Back then it was movies about men having sex with women or women having sex with other women for the visual enjoyment of men. Porn still had a premise. Meaning there was a semblance of a plot which would explain why the pizza delivery guy was suddenly having sex with the housewife. Sex in porn seemed like it was tied to real life. This is no longer the case. When the pornographer realized that his audience feels guilty for watching so much porn, he changed the veneer of porn, titling it to cast a negative light on the female performers. And so the sexy housewife became a nasty slut. As time passed by, this theme became part of the content as well fueling a porn market where pornographers one-up each other requiring starlets to perform various party tricks. Did somebody specifically ask for prolapse porn?! Are we going to mention that this is not a good thing?

While I have a rather encyclopedic nerdy knowledge of porn, I found that porn’s ability to push my buttons stopped once I looked into how exploitative the industry is. Once you know how the porn industry is built on misery and misogyny, porn becomes very unattractive. Of course there are a lot of women who do very well in porn and use it as an educational platform. Nina Hartley and Annie Sprinkle come to mind. There is a subset of porn which is not like the rest. The rest, however produces tens of thousands of titles per year.

Worrying about porn is a bit vintage. Right now we are moving into new areas with porn. One of these areas is non-consensual porn. That is the exploitation of women who never signed up for it and find their photos leaked online or on revenge porn sites. The consumption of this material is problematic to a new degree but normalized because it is not as explicit as porn.

On the other side of the coin is late night dramas. These cable shows are bringing back the sex scene that fit into the plot. Thank you Jesus! Can we have more of those?

In the movie Don Juan, the main protagonist develops a relationship with an older woman who asks him, bewildered: “Haven’t you even masturbated without porn?”. This question comes as a surprise to the main character. And it was enlightening for me too. It was a reminder that because porn is so ubiquitous, a lot of men have never masturbated to their own fantasies. Rather, they have outsourced this formative aspect of their personality to pornographers… Having a rich fantasy life is a great way of figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. Consuming a lot of porn hinders this ability in regards to interpersonal relationships. And that is really sad.

Comprehensive sex education can do a lot to help young people grow up into confident adults who are less confused about sexuality. It always comes back to sex ed. And that is why I am writing a book. No, I am writing THE book on sex for the modern world. Support ‘The Fucking Manual’ on Patreon so you and get it before everyone else!

TagTheSponsor: The Brightest Shining Beacon of Rape Culture

TagTheSponsor is a website that follows the slimy concept and tactics of TheDirty. TheDirty is a website devoted to shaming and ridiculing regular people (well, women really) under the guise of keeping people accountable. TagTheSponsor is more about policing the lives of strangers, notably, beautiful women on Instagram. While their tactics may come off as pure misogyny, the process is a bit more complicated. They function more like a revenge porn site.ha Here women, who are accused of being ‘professional companions’, are shamed for associating with Middle Eastern socialites and basketball players.

“These men kinda seem like broke haters.” – MrsJeremyMeeks

Yes, you read it right, the wholesale misogyny, shaming and harassment of supposed sex workers on Instagram isn’t even about women. TagTheSponsor is throwing these women under the bus to serve a seemingly racist proxy penis measuring contest between themselves and the moneyed Black and Muslim men who hoard the resources they feel are ‘theirs’. Or as Philosothot puts it…

“This is just hateful. I suppose it’s easier to go after the girls than the men who pay them.” – Philosothot

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Well hello there! I recognized you from my future!

About once a year something strange happens to me. I will see someone and distinctively recognize them as familiar. I have observed this phenomenon more intensely over the past 5 years and now call it ‘recognizing someone from my future’. I used to call this phenomenon ‘falling in love at first sight’ because many times it has resulted in a loving relationship of mutual attraction.

How does it happen?

Many years ago I walked into a concert venue and saw a gorgeous guy in full Scottish regalia. I stood 5 feet away from him as he did his final rehearsal in a 8 by 8 dressing room. Those bagpipes really belch out the tingly sound waves! Here is someone I do not know, never officially met but was distinctly attracted to in that same way I described before. A few years later he called me, out of the blue. I did help him with his project and that is how I got to spend a little bit of time with him. He promptly moved far, far, far away 🙁

This experience, spanning two years, was the first inkling that this intense feeling of familiarity I have with supposedly new people is not necessarily a cheesy romantic notion. I have put that to the test three or four times since. When I saw a strikingly familiar co-worker I had never met before at an office Christmas party, I simply asked his name and what he did. In the months that followed, co-workers organized lunches inviting both of us, made a point to put us on the same projects (a totally inexplicable diagonal move) and within 6 months, I was sitting across from him. Now that we have both gone on to greener professional pastures, it remains highly likely that we will work together in the future as key team leaders on a huge project… a project of our own making. As it stands he has been a fixture in my recent past and should continue to be a super important fixture in my future!

I prefer my sci-fi route of explaining intense initial connection as ‘recognizing someone from my future’ because in that and a few other cases, the attraction is not initially based on romantic notions. Perhaps it is because my dance card has been already quite full in the past few years but I am much more interested in changing the world a bit with someone rather than hooking up with them. While my interpretation has drawn some critique or chuckles, it’s not any crazier than saying ‘falling in love at first sight’ (which has so many strange implications if you are like me and feel that love is different from lust and lives at the sustainable convergence of intense attraction and prolonged attachment.)

I have become so intrigued by this phenomenon that the last time it happened to me, about a month ago, I was frozen in fear, looked away and made myself sparse when I recognized this lovely chap at a garden party in Europe. The recognizee managed to find me, sit next to me and sweep me off my feet in less than 30 minutes! He captured my entire attention for 2 unbelievably amazing days! That was the most instantaneous application of the word ‘future’ I had ever experienced…

Now imagine if I was in a monogamous relationship and experienced this once a year. In a zero sum relationship world where one is only allowed to love or have sex with ONE person, meeting someone excitingly new tends to throw monos in a tailspin of questioning. And that is an issue all to itself. I do not have to live by any other rules than the ones I make with those who are very close to me and I really enjoy getting super excited about someone new. I can’t get too caught up into this though because my ability to have multiple stable relationships spanning decades with a few men comes from being careful and stable when it comes to romance. I cannot and do not want to change my whole life on a dime to be with someone I barely know even if I ‘recognized them from my future’! When I spent two lovely days with the European cutie, it constantly amazed me how he seemed like he had spontaneously manifested from my fantasies. I mean that in a holistic way because I attend to fantasize about people with skills and character, not so much in terms of looks or physical fetishes. Please do not send me messages about ‘The Secret’, I already know what that is.

The tales of my impromptu meeting and adventures with the European cutie have become a source of giggles for my principal partner and I. He is the one who paid for my trip to Europe last month. I give him 100% credit for creating this amazing experience after seeing me cooped up, starving, coding a startup for a year while also taking care of him and my daughter.

As a consummate life hacker, I am trying to see how this incredibly entertaining phenomenon will change in the future. I cannot create this experience, I can only react to it. As I make an effort to get out more, it’s a mathematical fact that I will meet more people who could become fixtures in my future. If that is the case then, that means I would mysteriously recognize more than ONE person per year (my steady average for about 10 years). Would that be hard to manage? I already lament how I do not have enough time to spend with the half-dozen keepers in my life.

The future will tell 🙂

The GOP’s Drive to Declare Women Incompetent

Recently, a woman asked Mitt Romney a follow-up question about his stated support for the ‘life at conception’ amendment. She made it easy on the Mitt, including basic reproduction and contraception information so that it might be easier for him to formulate an answer. With the affect of a frightened dad receiving an awkward sex-related question from his daughter, Mitt simply demonstrated his complete incompetence on matters of sexuality, reproduction and contraception with a dismissive non-answer. His constituent then explained something very important: Hormonal birth control prevents attachment of the fertilized egg to the uterine wall potentially making many forms of birth control illegal if a ‘life at conception’ amendment was to become law. Rachel Maddow explained this in more detail on her October 20th man-cave segment. It is worth noting that all contraception methods that would become illegal are those methods that a woman can choose and use at her own discretion. They are used by most adult women, often in addition to a condom which protects against STDs.

Why are creepy old men injecting themselves into the private life of women?

It becomes really obvious that the ideology behind these abortion push-back bills is to declare women incompetent when it comes to making decisions about their body. This can also be seen in a really creepy video shown by Melissa Harris Perry on The Rachel Maddow show of August 30th, 2011 (at 3:17 of the segment). The old gray-haired men whom, by the way, have failed to display any knowledge or understanding of women, their bodies and reproductive system sincerely feel they are better adept at making decisions regarding reproduction than women and even their doctor. In their world, the condom is the only convenient method of contraception, and therefore the man, is the one who decides the purpose and outcome of sexual activity.

Without reproductive freedom, all women are sentenced to poverty.

Because we have to work harder for less pay and raise children while we take on most or all of the household work, it is imperative for us women to control when and how we have children so as to give them the best possible care during their life. This is why the demonization of Planned Parenthood in the U.S. is so shocking. The fact that abortion is legal and the idea of family planning is what has contributed to the betterment of the lives of millions of people in the last 40 years. Regardless, 1/5th of children in the U.S. still live in poverty and poverty affects women at a greater rate than men.

This medieval mindset rules the GOP.

In addition to having no knowledge of reproduction and contraception, Mitt Romney has very little regard for women’s concerns as he dismissed a woman’s extremely important question without ever answering it! Furthermore, the birth-control pill has many other uses including, but not limited to, as a menstrual cycle regulator for millions of women whom, like me, suffer from Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS).

Captain Kirk Brandishes His Weapon!


I captured this on my iPad while watching ‘How TV Ruined Your Life’ with Charlie Brooker.

(picture lost and found again)

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