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Pure Moan

Sex is free but they get you on the accessories…

Category: Humour (Page 1 of 7)

Inserting Truth in Advertizing: Ashley Madison

Pressured to conform to society’s limited options we get married and divorced again and again rather than work to create the type of relationship that allows us to grow and flourish. In this context, businesses like Ashley Madison can grow and flourish. I am pretty sure that Facebook had replaced Ashley Madison as the hookup creator for married people. I asked a law enforcement officer who stayed with us last year how often the word Facebook is uttered when responding to domestic disturbances… He said, one in three!! I find Ashley Madison’s slogan to be ridiculous. It’s a bit like Diesel co-opting the word STUPID. I re-made their advertizing to reflect the truth. I have never tried out or tested the Ashley Madison website because I have always seen it as a site that sells married women with issues to stupid single guys with little judgement. I do not feel targetted.

Original Ad (seen on a Torrent site)

Truth in advertizing

Lubricant Translation Fail

I almost threw away this delightfully mistranslated trial packet of lubricant! I think that Chinese translation cannot be blamed for this one.

Courtney Stodden: I have a theory and I really hope it is true

Courtney Stodden is a teenage dominatrix who is currently punking the world with her bimbo experiment. For months when I saw Courtney and Doug on The Ridiculist I usually felt that she would probably wake up at 24 and be completely embarrassed by the past 8 years (as young adults often do…) But now I have changed my theory and it makes much more sense to me; or at least it gives more hope for humanity.

When I was Courtney’s age I fantasized that I was exactly the same person I have become today. In my fantasies I had 100% control over my life, did many spur of the moment projects, was in a plural marriage with 3 awesome men who got along great and dated a lot of really creative people. This is what I fantasized about constantly from about 12 until my early 20’s when I was able to do concrete things to realize my fantasies. It is therefore entirely believable to me that Courtney’s current phase could be a ploy to realize a very specific socio-sexual fantasy.

So far she has put on an award-worthy bimbo show, lured in a z-list celebrity husband who lives to clean up after her, shopped a lucrative reality tv show and has Dr. Drew on speed dial. Dr. Drew’s secret theory seems to be that Courtney will wind up on his ‘Celebrity Rehab’ program before she is even 21 but I am holding out for my own prize.

My theory is that after only a few years of punking the media with her bimbo experiment, creepy wedding and subsequent shower of inappropriate Facebook pictures, Courtney will tell us it was all a joke/performance to distract us and come out with a tell all book about the vapid creepy Hollywood bubble she now inhabits.

‘Cuz that would be funny and I would say ‘Bravo!’ and buy that book…

Captain Kirk Brandishes His Weapon!

star-trek-dildo

I captured this on my iPad while watching ‘How TV Ruined Your Life’ with Charlie Brooker.

(picture lost and found again)

Smarter phones = dumber people

I worry about people’s inability to be away from a cell phone that beeps and rings. I understand that it makes them feel like somewhere out there someone ‘needs’ or ‘wants’ them but it progressively undermines social and emotional intelligence (if there was any to begin with.)

Here is an interesting video from PBS about Cellphone Etiquette.

Around 8:45, Fernando Castrillon talks about affective issues that develop in teenage years. Though I think it bears saying that people who are under 35 live in a mindset that is truly akin to those of a teenager and they can remain teens as long as they wish for corporations and marketers love them best that way. However, for all the envy we have for teens for being young and devoting a lot of their time to having fun, teens often seem incredibly lonely and sad.

Besides sadness and loneliness, teens have to learn to deal with boredom and with a device that beeps all the time to give you the impression that you are ‘in a network’ or ‘have friends’, you can’t face those feelings or learn to deal with them. The inability to deal with sadness, boredom and loneliness lead to addiction.

I have a crappy old phone and train people NOT to call me… EVER. It doesn’t have a camera and it’s incredibly clunky. It’s a pay-as-you-go hand-me-down from my editor-in-chief (I get the prize for most hyphenated word in a phrase right there!) I know for a fact that life is blissful having fun with the person or people who are right in front of me, right now.

I make allocation for business people who have to be reached for a decision, clarification or emergency; God knows I have loved a many system administrators who have those coitus preventing devices strapped to their groin; but if you answer your phone while you are with me and it is apparently pointless and you do not have the balls to cut it off immediately, I will gladly get up and leave.

You see that’s the thing, I have a long list of actual things to accomplish and people I love to be with so there is little room in my life for a smart phone that would allow people and machines to ping me and distract me. There is little room in my life for other people’s annoying smart phones and that’s why most of my friends and lovers don’t have smart phones (or a cell phone at all) And that is how I know that a smart phone does not make your life better.

Right now I never get a phone call from a lover while I am having sex with another lover! And the list of reasons why I don’t mind it when I forget my phone is very long!

If you have a cell phone, you have to have the ability and intelligence to manage access to yourself and your time very wisely so that you protect the quality of your time with the people who are right in front of you.

And I hear you say that you need an iPhone for work but I know from over-hearing all of you mad gab about that latest application that makes poo that business is not what keeps you completely addicted to your iPhone.

In closing I have to admit that I have a small yearning for a Motorola Milestone because I want to develop Android applications. When I do get it, I will have to hide it because I refuse to see my quality of life and intellect go down because I have a smart phone. A few months ago a TV director friend of mine friend lent me his Blackberry for a week and I found myself looking at it while crossing the street. That clitoris-like trackball thingy is absolutely awesome and possibly deadly!

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