Failed to connect to 46.101.219.18 port 80: Connection refused Chicks Archives - Pure Moan

Pure Moan

Sex is free but they get you on the accessories…

Category: Chicks (Page 1 of 5)

Postcard from Over-the-Hill

A phrase that has been used by men to describe women that are no longer worth pursuing for sex. It’s an old trope continued by the media.

Men do not know, however, what happens to us women who have bravely walked up the mountain and are now Over-the-Hill. So I am going to spill the beans.

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Are you a Bottom of the barreller?

Years ago I wrote a post about Rush Limbaugh, one of America’s premium ‘bottom of the barreller’. Now I read it again and see how quaint because everybody known we live in a post-knowledge world. But that’s a topic for another day.

Today, you don’t have to have a syndicated radio show to broadcast to the world that you are bottom of the barreller (BotB), you can simply have a Twitter or Facebook account. Heck, even places that used to be awesomely human are now overrun by threatened angry men who proudly identify as a BotB (though they may know know what that is.)

But why?

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Inserting Truth in Advertizing: Ashley Madison

Pressured to conform to society’s limited options we get married and divorced again and again rather than work to create the type of relationship that allows us to grow and flourish. In this context, businesses like Ashley Madison can grow and flourish. I am pretty sure that Facebook had replaced Ashley Madison as the hookup creator for married people. I asked a law enforcement officer who stayed with us last year how often the word Facebook is uttered when responding to domestic disturbances… He said, one in three!! I find Ashley Madison’s slogan to be ridiculous. It’s a bit like Diesel co-opting the word STUPID. I re-made their advertizing to reflect the truth. I have never tried out or tested the Ashley Madison website because I have always seen it as a site that sells married women with issues to stupid single guys with little judgement. I do not feel targetted.

Original Ad (seen on a Torrent site)

Truth in advertizing

Well hello there! I recognized you from my future!

About once a year something strange happens to me. I will see someone and distinctively recognize them as familiar. I have observed this phenomenon more intensely over the past 5 years and now call it ‘recognizing someone from my future’. I used to call this phenomenon ‘falling in love at first sight’ because many times it has resulted in a loving relationship of mutual attraction.

How does it happen?

Many years ago I walked into a concert venue and saw a gorgeous guy in full Scottish regalia. I stood 5 feet away from him as he did his final rehearsal in a 8 by 8 dressing room. Those bagpipes really belch out the tingly sound waves! Here is someone I do not know, never officially met but was distinctly attracted to in that same way I described before. A few years later he called me, out of the blue. I did help him with his project and that is how I got to spend a little bit of time with him. He promptly moved far, far, far away 🙁

This experience, spanning two years, was the first inkling that this intense feeling of familiarity I have with supposedly new people is not necessarily a cheesy romantic notion. I have put that to the test three or four times since. When I saw a strikingly familiar co-worker I had never met before at an office Christmas party, I simply asked his name and what he did. In the months that followed, co-workers organized lunches inviting both of us, made a point to put us on the same projects (a totally inexplicable diagonal move) and within 6 months, I was sitting across from him. Now that we have both gone on to greener professional pastures, it remains highly likely that we will work together in the future as key team leaders on a huge project… a project of our own making. As it stands he has been a fixture in my recent past and should continue to be a super important fixture in my future!

I prefer my sci-fi route of explaining intense initial connection as ‘recognizing someone from my future’ because in that and a few other cases, the attraction is not initially based on romantic notions. Perhaps it is because my dance card has been already quite full in the past few years but I am much more interested in changing the world a bit with someone rather than hooking up with them. While my interpretation has drawn some critique or chuckles, it’s not any crazier than saying ‘falling in love at first sight’ (which has so many strange implications if you are like me and feel that love is different from lust and lives at the sustainable convergence of intense attraction and prolonged attachment.)

I have become so intrigued by this phenomenon that the last time it happened to me, about a month ago, I was frozen in fear, looked away and made myself sparse when I recognized this lovely chap at a garden party in Europe. The recognizee managed to find me, sit next to me and sweep me off my feet in less than 30 minutes! He captured my entire attention for 2 unbelievably amazing days! That was the most instantaneous application of the word ‘future’ I had ever experienced…

Now imagine if I was in a monogamous relationship and experienced this once a year. In a zero sum relationship world where one is only allowed to love or have sex with ONE person, meeting someone excitingly new tends to throw monos in a tailspin of questioning. And that is an issue all to itself. I do not have to live by any other rules than the ones I make with those who are very close to me and I really enjoy getting super excited about someone new. I can’t get too caught up into this though because my ability to have multiple stable relationships spanning decades with a few men comes from being careful and stable when it comes to romance. I cannot and do not want to change my whole life on a dime to be with someone I barely know even if I ‘recognized them from my future’! When I spent two lovely days with the European cutie, it constantly amazed me how he seemed like he had spontaneously manifested from my fantasies. I mean that in a holistic way because I attend to fantasize about people with skills and character, not so much in terms of looks or physical fetishes. Please do not send me messages about ‘The Secret’, I already know what that is.

The tales of my impromptu meeting and adventures with the European cutie have become a source of giggles for my principal partner and I. He is the one who paid for my trip to Europe last month. I give him 100% credit for creating this amazing experience after seeing me cooped up, starving, coding a startup for a year while also taking care of him and my daughter.

As a consummate life hacker, I am trying to see how this incredibly entertaining phenomenon will change in the future. I cannot create this experience, I can only react to it. As I make an effort to get out more, it’s a mathematical fact that I will meet more people who could become fixtures in my future. If that is the case then, that means I would mysteriously recognize more than ONE person per year (my steady average for about 10 years). Would that be hard to manage? I already lament how I do not have enough time to spend with the half-dozen keepers in my life.

The future will tell 🙂

On the topic of slut shaming

This video is clear and to-the-point.

Slut shaming has got to go. I encounter some strange reactions when people find out that I am happily non-monogamous and have more than one partner. For me that means that it is a lot of work to manage 3-5 relationships at a time (scheduling!) but I have gotten better at it in the past 8 years. Because some people have a weird love/hate/shame relationship with sex they feel the need to distance themselves from anyone who has a life that is different from their own, especially if they embrace the default zero sum relationship game. That causes some people to respond in a ‘that’s bad (morally)’ and then, as if the previous moment never happened, come the onslaught of sexually specific questions complete with explicit assumptions! Through these questions about my sex life I get to know what kind of sex people are afraid of, interested in and curious about. I don’t mind respectful question but I don’t necessarily answer them. It’s none of anybody’s business and nobody needs to justify their sexual choices. Still, I try to maintain a certain amount of discretion about my specific life with each partner for the sake of their privacy not mine.

What I can tell young people though is that when people react in a shaming way about someone else’s sexuality it is simply because they are insecure, ignorant and scared of sex and this is based in their own shame. Dealing with someone who is afraid of sexuality or has sexual shame is not really worth it.

Sexual shaming is a great way for someone to remove themselves from ever being considered a friend or a lover of mine.

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