A phrase that has been used by men to describe women that are no longer worth pursuing for sex. It’s an old trope continued by the media.

Men do not know, however, what happens to us women who have bravely walked up the mountain and are now Over-the-Hill. So I am going to spill the beans.

Over-the-Hill is a nice place, there are Yogurt & Yoga stores and cat vets everywhere. It is a nice place to live for a woman if her interests and occupations are unrelated to the business of seduction. If a woman is an actress or a decorative professional or an exotic dancer, well, the commute from Over-the-Hill to Horndog Town is going to drive her nuts really fast.

“That men continue to be fascinating and attractive and virile, and women age and are no longer sexual or beautiful ,” she said. “It’s a fantasy that has nothing to do with reality.” – Jessica Lange on how Hollywood Is Run From a ‘Male Point of View’

The exact moment I moved Over-The-Hill was when I realized that I would never have time in my life to have sex with all the people I want to have sex with. Young people tend to treat their relationships poorly and change friends often (okay so it’s also aggravated by college, university, moving and early career). When I started treating all my relationships in a way to make sure they could withstand decades, the circle of friends and supporters got really big really fast. Even if I factor in that many of my sexual prospects will fall in love, develop monogamous relationships, get married and have children, it will only make a small dent. So my dance card seems to be full even if I live in the suburbia of mid-life.

Over-the-Hill is a peaceful place. Old douchebags who have little to offer in the way of personality cannot even see Over-the-Hill. You know these guys that only pursue young women who were born yesterday. (To all the ladies reading, you will find that after you have passed the 25-29 year-old mark, all these shifty old men (many attached) who have been constantly pining aggressively for your time and sexual attention since you were a teenager just vanish into thin air!)

I am only 44, so I have not yet developed my sense of invisibility. I figure after I am 50, or look 50, whichever comes first, I should leverage my invisibility and become an international spy. But in the meantime I am still in the age range of getting hit on massively by guys who are 18-25. Since I have already had a wonderfully successful and pleasant relationship with the 19 year old who used to bag my groceries, I am not really interested in pursuing those opportunities. Mostly it’s because I had already been there and done that when we started dating. And since he had been nowhere and done nothing, it was like re-discovering everything again. You know, go round the early life bucket list of boys where they want to go to sex parties, and have a threesome and all that entry-level sex stuff. It’s a lot of work. But the offers are kind and this attention has made me realize that what we have to offer to men changes drastically as we move through life.

Certain men think they are really cool when they go out of their way to insult women who are not their type. I mean when this happens to me I want to scream ‘How is this any of MY business? Do you also fill out Magazine cards to tell them you will not be subscribing? Talk it over with your psychiatrist!’ I understand the incredible stress of landing a girl who will impress your friends with her beauty. As a part-time vagitarian, I totally know how hard it is to land a really bright woman who is delightful and open minded (the kind of woman who will impress MY friends). Oh they exist in drove, they may just not be in my league which is fine ! While guys were hiding in their bedroom playing video games and watching internet porn for the past 20 years, women took it up a notch and it created a chasm between the genders it seems. Regardless, women receive sexual attention from men of all ages on a regular basis regardless of their place in life.

It always make me laugh when men pretend that they have this ability to dole out the permission to exist to women through sexual approval. For instance calling a woman old or fat (the actual lingo is endless). Men who do this seem to allude to this mysterious cock shortage. I always wonder, who is this guy pretending to be gate-keeper of Cock Kingdom? I am sure that one day, I will find that my VIP All Access Pass to Cock Kingdom will stop working but, like I said before, I live in Over-the-Hill now, I’m all set and I have better shit to do.

Men tend to get massively angry if you don’t care about their insults or are just fine with yourself the way you are. It’s just odd.

Guys, there is no cock shortage ! Find another imaginary Kingdom to be gate-keeper of.