I think, I formulate hypothesis and then ask a bunch of overly-personal questions… It yields interesting albeit frightening answers sometimes.

I don’t want to be out of touch, I have been really interested how teenagers grow and mature into adults. And I am also interested in generational differences and how people turn out differently depending on the quality of their relationship with their parents. Mind you I do it also to figure out how to raise my child to become a happy fulfilled independent adult. It is not obvious because I have raised 7 boys but now I have a daughter! Maybe I will have a daughter who is well informed on the matter of boys! Right now we talk about friendship and girl-cliques a lot. I am also concerned with age-appropriateness of the things I teach her. We have started talking about the internet, consumerism and cell phones. Next year she will be in third grade and that’s when everything starts to change.

But there’s a long way ’til the end of high school and college still. And right now I’m doing some research with university students to assess their needs for self-defense classes, notably Patrick’s Modern self-denfense class that addresses recent statistics of acquaintance sexual assault and rape.

I was very fortunate to have a conversation with a recent university grad last night and when he saw the course ware for Modern Self-Defense for Sexual Situations that become Non-Consensual, he said quite matter-of-factly that this was a sorely needed class. This class was originally developed for people involved in the BDSM lifestyle and those are usually more self-aware and negotiation-oriented than your average vanilla peeps. However, Patrick and I are re-working it for an audience of people who seem to need it way more notably college & university-aged women as well as sex workers, transsexuals and gay men. For each clientele the documentation and the communication has to be adapted because this is a touchy subject and it is really hard to convince people to take this compulsory life class. People would rather not think about it or talk about it.

I asked my recent university grad a bit of a downer question… But it is the basis for the current documentation I am writing for the college version of this class.

Out of all your girlfriends in your Facebook list, 20-25% of them have been sexually assaulted or raped. Do you know who they are?

He answered: “Unfortunately, yes…” It was interesting for me to listen to his take on the matter.

Self-defense classes are available but there aren’t enough instructors who specialize in real-world situations faced by young people today espescially young women 18-25. Let’s face it, women are sexually active and therefore encounter guys who range the scale from clueless to careless to just plain dangerous. And then there are those who are simply bad. But much harm is done by the first category and girls should learn to avoid or protect themselves against all bad sexual situations that could become non-consensual.

Over the years I’ve listened and and heard…

I told him to put on a condom but he tricked me and didn’t use one.

He bit me too hard.

He came once, didn’t tell me and we kept having sex. This is likely how I got pregnant.

I have a stupid random question, Is is rape if you were under the influence?

I believe that a happy safe sex life for men and women is born of sex education and sexual confidence. There is a lack of sex education if these kinds of situations keep happening every few seconds.

Self-defense is only one part of the puzzle but it is necessary and should be pursued on a regular basis. This is something women should be involved in on a yearly basis if one does not want to pursue a regular weekly martial arts program.

Patrick will be coming back to Montreal and hopefully Ottawa to teach. You can write to me to be notified when that happens at evavavoom [at] gmail.com. There will be separate and specific clientele-based classes and the curriculum is based on three years of listening to the specific questions of students in the class and the most recently available statistics from various rape-crisis center in North-America’s colleges and universities.

In Toronto, Sex educator Viktoria organizes Women’s REALISTIC Self Defense classes with her martial arts and self defense instructor. Write or call Viktoria for info ladyviktoria [at] ymail.com or 416-887-5621.

*Photo by nyki_m