I know it’s sunday but I’m supposed to work until my eyes bleed because I spent most of the week sending out resumes and doing job research stuff instead of finishing that one contract I have.
But let’s take a break… for a journal entry.
Last weekend I updated my OKCupid profile to put some actual content in it. I also uploaded a few recent (albeit crappy) pictures of myself. There’s something that is getting on my nerves. I am getting a lot of messages and in a few cases some “Hey! Why didn’t you write back to me?”, “You have a fan!”, “Write to me!” messages. Those messages make me cringe! My profile is entertaining and different and I take for granted that 75% of guys who view my profile write to me simply because of that. They want me to entertain them… but if I was in that business, I would charge money.
Recently I asked a few guy friends about their answer rate on various dating sites and was surprised to find out that the reply rate for men writing to women is quite low, espescially on OKCupid! Heck I don’t feel guilty about not writing back to a guy who has a low match % and a high enemy % and who seems completely incompatible with me in interests or preferences.
I found this absolutely adorable catch in my Quiver last week and wondered about the 30% enemy count so I did a “WTF” report to find out why. I don’t know what the fuck a WTF report stands for but it is a comparison of answers to important questions from each party. Turns out our most incompatible points were actually not because they pertained to badly-written hypothetical questions referring to other people. But I did find one tidbit of info in there. He is interested in slim women. I already know that while I am not obese, I am not skinny or dainty and people who have a fetish for skinny/slim do not associate my body type with that. Now there’s an IMPORTANT incompatibility right there. I, on the other hand, like bulkier/chubby guys… but do NOT have a mental block against any particular body type. In fact, I kind of get annoyed with people’s hang-ups on body types or issues. So I did not write to him.
I wrote the following to one of the peeps who seemed to ‘complain’ about my lack of a quick answer to his instant messages.
Women are not being bitches and men are not being stalkers it’s a perception thing. Women get tons of attention and if we pick one out of 5 people to get to know it sucks up all the time that could be used to say no thank you to the 4 others. I try to answer most but I quickly fall behind. I got a message from a guy I REALLY like only 10 minutes after I put my profile back up so I will likely take it away again so as to stop getting messages. Good luck, Eva
I may talk about my date with ‘the (yummy) anchorman’ later on…
When I take the time to craft a ‘no thank you’ answer and give a reason, I usually just spark another e-mail or seven! So silence, while not ideal is the most effective method of saying no.
The reality is that if I begin to see someone I like, I will likely develop a strong relationship with him and because I am totally into ‘relating’ I cannot maintain that many casual friendships. I also don’t like long e-mail exchanges or chatting. I take such behavior as a plea for attention from a shy/lonely person who is not likely to initiate a meeting in person.
For the past 8 months, I have developed a fantastic relationship with Mr. P. and for the past 6 months, M0j0D4ddy. While neither is the one I plan to live with everyday for now, I want to maintain a permanent relationship with both of them (I take their unexpected spontaneous lifelong commitment to me very seriously!)
A friend asked: “So what’s with the trilogy of boyfriends? Is that a life rule or something?”
Err… not a rule… not even intentional really! I’m still seeing the Bearded DiCaprio (4.5 years now!), my General is retiring (not very available) and BelovedSchoolBoy(TPB) has moved on and got himself a fantastic new girlfriend with whom he is moving in pretty soon. Everyone is doing splendid. So to the one that is left from the previous trio, I added Mr. P. and M0j0D4ddy. Seems like my search for “The One” keeps netting me “Another One” but it’s fine if that relationship is okay with both parties.
I’m still looking for a primary partner. This is someone who will really want to live with me everyday. Plus I want a boyfriend so we can have sex all the time! I am looking for someone who is a parent like me because while my desire to have a mate is there, my priority is my child. I have managed to maintain a stable home and while It may seem like I have lots of boyfriends, she has only ever gotten to know one (Who lived with us) over the past 5 years.
M0j0D4ddy and I have this really well-crafted relationship. It sounds weird to say it like that but it never ceases to amaze me how well we work together considering the huge obstacles (meddling) we keep facing along the way. We talk 3-4 times a day. He wants us to ‘move forward’ so we made a plan for the next year which now includes him helping me stay focused on certain things I need to do for myself. I’m still doing a bunch of stuff for him ‘cuz it’s fun! I now have a virtual phone line in his city so he can call me ‘locally’ from the secure facility he works at. He is making headway towards what he wants to do on a daily basis which is teaching combative techniques and that means he would leave his current nerdy DoD job… for a macho DoD job LOL
Mr. P. and I are also hanging out more and more. He’s been taking good care of me as of late, taking me to the doctor and for tests (getting updates on 2004 internal injury from being crushed by two cars.) We will spend a day together this week as we both start the ‘selling most everything in our houses’ effort. This seemed like a great idea four months ago but I am now cringing at selling my art and antiques! The topic of living together sometimes comes up but since he is not sure if Montreal is the place for him right now, I’m not counting on it. The step of downsizing each other’s possessions is the single most work-intensive step in that direction regardless.
The owner of the house where I live has gotten news from the Canadian government about her mother’s visa application and she has decided to cease leasing the house. This house was, after all, bought for the babushka in Kazakhstan. So I have to figure out what I am going to do after Dec 1. Seven months… that goes by really fast!
So I should get back to my pile of work.