ETA: My submission to Lickety Split‘s ‘Risk’ issue. Not ‘Risqué’ enough so I post it here.

In the past year my body has changed. For 14 years I struggled with an insulin-resistance condition that drastically altered my body and my brain. The most drastic effect was not the abnormal weight gain but the lack of a menstrual cycle. I don’t mind being overweight, I hated not feeling much like a girl.

For some reason, as my body grew older I grew out of that condition and now enjoy a normal menstrual cycle. I am also gradually loosing weight. I even have PMS! In many ways I am 13 years old again, gifted with a changing body and brain and not too sure what to make of them.

But I wouldn’t want to change it. I know that what lies ahead is a thinner body. Who knows, maybe my more chemically balanced body will learn how to tone the skin it doesn’t need anymore. At least I hope it will! I must learn to mourn the loss of what little junk I had in my trunk. I’m not going to stuff my ass with implants or wear padded panties, a 1950s trend that is coming back today.

I will continue to evaluate my body in a qualitative way, not a quantitative way. Is my body doing for me what I want it to do? Aside from the perpetually sore back I acquired in a close encounter with a Mazda Protégé, I feel that my body mostly does what I want it to do.

I am happy with me.

Apparently that is not good enough, I now need a Designer Vagina and a G-Spot Augmentation! Those crazy procedures are not new, I’m just surprised they are not going away.

On Designer Vaginas…

A designer vagina is what you get when a surgeon nips and tucks the labia (inner lips) so they are not as visible anymore. The labia is the part of a woman’s vagina that becomes engorged with blood during sexual pleasure. It’s not that obvious but if you must really see for yourself, I would suggest Lea De Mae in Private’s Dangerous Things. I’ve heard of guys fantasizing about a more protruding labia, never the other way around. It’s one of those ways a guy knows he is a decent lover. Don’t snip them away!

Patients who sought genitoplasty “uniformly” wanted their vulvas to be flat and with no protrusion, similar to the prepubescent look of girls in Western fashion ads, they found. Findings of Sarah Creighton, Gynaecologist and Lih Mei Liao, clinical psychologist,
Via AFP on breitbart.com

My vagina doesn’t look similar to the prepubescent look of girls in Western fashion ads and it shouldn’t. I actually love the fact that I am invisible to men who are in into the prepubescent look of girls in Western fashion ads! These men used to bug the hell out of me when I was twelve and I’m so relieved I grew out of their radar.

However, I have to admit that the prettiest vagina I ever saw up close was surgically created. Years ago I met someone who had just had her SRS. She walked wobbly and and sat on a cushion. She promised to do a show and tell one day. And last year she did and for a few hours I had total vagina envy!

On the G-Spot Augmentation…

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I first read about the G-Spot Augmentation it in Emmanuelle Richard’s blog in 2004 but I dismissed it and went on with my life. This is an injection made into or close to the G-Spot, making it larger. It’s efficacy is un-proven medically, I have yet to find credible patient accounts. The list of possible complications is horrific (taken from the the patient consent form.) Moreover, each injection costs up to 2,000$ and lasts about 4 months. Don’t plastic surgeon also take that oath that basically means: If it ain’t broke don’t fix it!

Two years ago today I was in a workshop given by my friend Viky about the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation. My friend Jess was also there and she wrote about it. We women are under so much pressure today. Not only do we have to do all the same things the guys do, we have to look perfect doing it even though the baby puked on us. Now it appears we also have to ejaculate like men do.

Enter the G-Spot, mysterious source of pleasure misunderstood by the masses. It took me 18 months to crack that one. I didn’t seriously work on it though, I have other things to do, but sure enough it happened. All this time to figure out that while it’s very entertaining, I can’t shut it off! Dammit!

I met a girl named Waterfall last October. She is a very happy-go lucky person. She makes sure to wear Depends whenever she knows she will find herself in an exciting situation. And believe me that is not a fail-proof solution. T, a girl I hung out with after her encounter with Waterfall wondered how she would feel walking home. Her pants were absolutely soaked! I don’t want to wear Depends, at least not for another 30 years!

So this whole G-Spot thing hasn’t really paid off for ME, but that is fine because I am a sexually active woman with normal sexual function. If I want to take my sex life to another level I have to look to ME to educate myself and work on it with my lover. And if my lover doesn’t want to accept me the way I am or learn how to please me well I will just find another one.

I believe we have a miss-conception of what is normal sex. Is a guy sky-diving on his bike really showing us the true pleasure of cycling? No, but it’s cool to look at. We already know that porn is not a real representation of how people have sex but why do we buy into it anyway?

I will not turn to dubious devices, drugs or surgery to enhance what is normal.

The risk is too high.