In her book Bossypants Tina Pey reveals that no Hollywood producer is going to hire a woman he doesn’t want to fuck. While she may have felt that this was a shocking new revelation, it was kind of obvious from the work product of the last 10+ years of American TV and Movies. While homely and ordinary men are still allowed to be on US television, regular looking women are generally sheltered from view. When mentioning this to men they will usually name one or two actress who has worked passed her 40th birthday, namely one that they would like to fuck. But generally, it would seem most new roles go to very beautiful young women and that is not the actual problem. The problem is that since women roles are doled out to beautiful women you’d like to fuck, they are entrapped into stupid storylines that involves them being naked, sexy and fuckable. As an active women over 40 who has purpose in life, I have a hard time relating to characters who’s only purpose and path is to seduce men in order to obtain what they want. Granted there are some women characters who work really hard at being recognized for their intellect in certain programs but they are only allowed to do so if they remain fuckable at all times. This inherent sexism is now present in ALL areas of life that can be seen through a TV or Movie screen. Female singers have to be fuckable, Reality TV stars have to be fuckable and even TV anchors have to be fuckable (and be indistinguishable in style to porn stars.) Most of the discourse or plot points in American TV shows are about super-sonsumerism, money and other highly artificial lifescape but yit is imperative that all women in them must be cause the largest amount of erections in male test viewers. Young women internalize this sexism as teenagers and grow up thinking that society will reject them if they do not attain a certain level of beauty. The sexist and misogynist attitude of the proverbial Hollywood producers is now present everywhere on the Internet, like forums and Youtube where men disparage women based on their appearance.

So I thought today that I would take a little bit on time to dismantle this sexist and mysoginist attitude for young women everywhere who have to endure the insolent comments of men about women.

It’s About Shame. It’s About Control. It really has nothing to do with you.

Men are generally quite attracted to women of all shapes and sizes and will be all too happy to share an intimate moment with you even if your left boob sags more than your right one. Any man who makes a disparaging remark about you or another woman’s level of attractiveness should be avoided at all cost. Men who do not like women should not be trusted as experts on female beauty. Those men should be discussing their fear of women with a psychiatrist and not you. There are many flavors of this type of mysoginy out there:

– The slut shamer : Someone who makes disparaging comments about women’s sexuality have issues with their sexuality, notably, how they are ashamed of themselves. Slut shamers feel more comfortable living in a mental space that enriches this reality by watching porn or porn-ey media that only allows fuckable women to be visible. If given the opportunity he’ll say things like: ‘women shouldn’t dress like sluts if they do not want to be raped’. The slut shamer is all too happy to put the responsibility for all his pent up self-hatred and sexual shame on a woman rather than face his own grave self-esteem issues. The slut shamer always has something incredibly innapropriate to say in all social circumstances and should be avoided at all cost.

– The control freak: The control freak must prevent women from rising above his status and he has found that the easiest way to do this is to criticize their appearance, age or any other aspect that is linked to outside appearance (or fuckability). Control freaks have found that making women insecure about their appearance, or comparing them to other women, is the easiest way to control them and limit their success in life. The control freak’s ultimate goal is to put a women in a place where she must obtain his validation in order to cross an imaginary door just ahead. Control freak can then pretend to dangle the key to aforementioned door in order to obtain various perks, advantages and sexual favors. It is easier to avoid slut shamers but control freaks tend to be validated in many spheres of business so you will encounter them more often. The control freak has no weapon against a independent and confident woman who does not need external validation.

РThe slut shaming control freak : The slut shaming control freak lives in a strict confined mental place where women are second class citizens. His sentiment of superiority  and sexual shame come from the antiquated traditions of his religion. He sincerely feels that women are suspect and men are stewards of women and all their bodily functions. The slut shaming control freak is absolutely appalled by the idea that a woman could happily exist on her own and decide the course of her life, what she will study, where she will work, how many kids she will have and who she will fuck. If a women in his entourage steps aside the restrictive unrealistic confines of womanhood set forth by his cult, he will feel morally justified to psychologically or physically hurt her. The slut shaming control freak can be dangerous. Once he has outed himself, you should run away.

Beauty grows from the inside out

Most people over a certain age understand that outward appearance is not a good indicator of someone’s beauty. In the past 50 years, beauty has been completely commoditized. Beauty is therefore something you buy, not something you are. The media plays the control freak card in order to sell you beauty as something you must attain in order to be able to enjoy life. I have never run into a beach patrol unit that tells fat and ugly women to go away but this metaphorical entity has kept my mother from wearing a bathing suit on the beach for almost 20 years.

There are two really expensive subscription plans in our Western lives. For men it is the subscription to the promise of sex. For women it is the subscription to the promise of beauty.

You can opt-out! You will then have so much time to grow your beautiful self from the inside out. When your beauty stems from your confidence, your qualities, your accomplishments and your success, it becomes indivisible from YOU. This attitude will also win you an entourage of sincerely awesome people who provide great insulation against the increasing vapidity of modern life.