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Month: March 2011

Living in a World Where Charlie Sheen is Winning!

Posted by @thisisJenDoll on Yfrog

Today is International Unfollow Charlie Sheen Day. Since I didn’t follow his twitter, written by an employee, I don’t have to do anything. It’s almost impossible to avoid the ensuing memes but Charlie Sheen said that he is winning!!

I agree with Charlie Sheen on that one. For the past 20 years he has been a consistently rude abusive drug-crazed asshole yet managed to marry and make babies with beautiful women and become one of the highest paid actors on TV netting him enough revenues to pursue his life of compensated dating, boozing and partying for the rest of his life. He may be on the fast road to dying alone but his ‘right now’ is a wonderful example of getting everything and winning despite being a complete asshole along the way. The fact that he doesn’t deserve it has little to do with reality because he lives in a world of enablers and other men just like him. In Hollywood, the end justifies the ‘meanies’ and the money is as Donald Trump so eloquently states: “a way to keep score”.

So if money is good enough to keep scores for men, then it should be good enough to keep score for women. However, Sheen has taken to calling each and everyone of his former partners silly lying ‘gold diggers’ including the ones with whom he settled out of court. Now this is where I disagree with Mr. Sheen because no amount of compensation can make up for being shot at, having a knife against your throat and being threatened to have your head cut off, being thrown a chair at, being hit in the head for refusing Sheen sex or living in constant fear after being threatened with death. Abusive men think that if they are only insufferable assholes 10% of the time then they are 90% fantastic which is not the case. A lot of politicians seem to think that way too. If you are riding on a roller coaster that is known to injure riders only 10% of the time then 100% of your time forced to ride that coaster will be spent in total fear for your life.

I think it is a woman’s choice to be with whomever she wants to be and craft a relationship however she wants it regardless of outside influence or ‘norms’ imposed by society so I cannot make any comments about ‘The Goddesses’ (It would be hypocritical as I absolutely adore all the lovely ‘Gods’ around me.)

So we have established that Charlie Sheen is, in fact, ‘WINNING!!’ but another douchebag has a leg up on him. No I’m not even talking about Berlusconi here… Consistent manipulators, rapists and abusers who just happen to have more power and money than their victims always seem to come out on top, free to continue behaving in the vilest way. For instance, American Apparel CEO Dov Charney has created a confidential arbitration process so that his former female employees cannot accuse him of sexual assault publicly. This administrative manoeuvrings creates an opportunity for his victims to lodge a civil complaint in a way that does not bring negative attention to the company and keeps the criminal complaints at bay. His company makes exiting employees write a complimentary letter about him, sign a confidentiality agreement and sign away their right to sue him or the company. AA dangles a severance package of 2-5k to accomplish these goals. For someone who has been agonizing for weeks or months because they have lost their job it’s weak compensation but probably needed (working in a situation of violence or sexual harrasment is not sustainable at all so I can say from experience that once the boss goes over the line, it’s a sad day as one tries to figure out a way to get out without reprisal.) These procedures are a way for AA to legally harass any former female employee with suits if she comes forward but thanks to Ms. Morales, we will soon know for sure if these waivers are legally binding.

For employing teenagers with limited resources and literally screwing them out of their job with his lawyers’ help Dov Charney is a douchebag of a double winner!

Captain Kirk Brandishes His Weapon!


I captured this on my iPad while watching ‘How TV Ruined Your Life’ with Charlie Brooker.

(picture lost and found again)

Blaming victims for crimes is so 1970s

The message I hope men get from this video is that they should not tolerate such comments from other men and be fully involved in the battle against this sort of attitude which has no place in today’s supposedly evolved society. (See below for context of this ad in the UK)

I grew up in a family situation where talk about sex was snarky, where comments about women were demeaning. When complaining about my mother’s peeping-tom boyfriend she would call me viscous and whore, which were words I did not understand. I understand what it is like to grow up in a place that blames women for the lewdness and vile actions of men. Such an education made me a ‘pervert’ starting at a young age (when I would have been just happy not having to deal with adult topics or sexuality) and it took me decades to develop a healthy sex life.

Now, as an adult woman involved in raising boys I understand that I also have a huge part to play in educating them in a positive and non-judgmental way about sex and women.

Emotionally mature and sexually educated men are a great gift to women 🙂

We need to shift from telling women not to get raped to telling men (who are the problem) that they have an important role to play in fostering a society where responsible sexual freedom flourishes and women are not victimized in the process. We are at a juncture in history where we must get together and end the cycle of violence (verbal, physical and sexual) against women in our Western society so that we may save the future of all man and womankind.

While I enjoy tremendous freedom as a polyamorous life hacker and dominatrix, I realize that I do not live is a sexually free society. Over the last 100 years, women have gone from being considered ‘non-humans’ to attaining a sort of liberation. The cost of this liberation is immense. Women may seem free to do as they please but have to endure endless criticism about the attractiveness of every part of their body, face ageism and wage discrimination in a society that still expects them to be twice as good and work twice as hard, while looking great, to merely fit into a world still rules by greedy rich old white men. Women may be free but they remain objects and products to a large sector of the male population.


I started thinking about these issues while writing promotional material for a self-defense class for women. Self-defense classes today do not address the reality that 97% of women who report rape or sexual assault knew their attacker. In most cases it is the romantic partner or date who victimizes a woman. Yet regular self-defense still teaches women how not to get mugged in a alley because if a woman gets victimized while on a date or during sex that becomes non-consensual, then she “was asking for it”. It became soul killing for me to sell self-protection to women when it is men who are the problem so I shifted my thought process to figure out a way to teach men how not to rape and I might be on to something that is positive, fun and in-line with my appreciation of men.

One important aspect of sex education that might be missing from the curriculum is teaching teens how to identify and not tolerate misogynistic speech and behavior around them. Right now, however, we are seeing the pendulum of sexism swing dangerously in the misandry direction. Negative speech about men abounds in ads and tv shows and it’s creating a divisive situation (for profit) that might infect a generation and make it harder to attain true equality of the sexes.

Another important step in educating young people to create a society where they enjoy a life of sexual knowledge, sexual quality and sexual happiness is misinformation. The lack of quality sex education in the past 20 years, or rather ‘abstinence only’ education, creates a wide open place for misinformation about sexuality. On one side, peer-to-peer education lacks context and facts. On the other, pornography is completely devoid of useful sex information. In the culture of porn one-upmanship actors perform to a sexual script that isn’t pleasurable to either participant. Also, for some reason porn producers have decided to package most everything they do as a product that infantilizes, demeans and victimizes women. I can see how creating a product that is highly addictive and captivating while harming the viewer’s self-confidence and reducing his ability to communicate with women is a wicked brilliant business plan… but it is hardly useful to us women.

I can attest with authority that men DO enjoy the intimate company of strong intelligent women who do not dress like teenagers. Usually, these are the same men who consume little to no porn and have well-aligned priorities. And, I am not down on all adult entertainment because intellectually challenging and emotionally mature ‘porn’ is awesome.

But back to the topic of sexual education…

The UK is WAY ahead of us on sex ed but only as a an urgent reaction to being the worst off country in Europe when it comes to STIs and teen pregnancies. Add legendary UK teen heavy drinking and drugs to the mix and you get the new reality of rape and assault which is that over 97% of women are assaulted by someone they know (NOTE: The same percentage of women report knowing their attacker in Canada and the US) Because there is a very low number of actual criminally insane serial rapists in the world compared to the growing number of crimes reported, it means that rape happens at a juncture of immaturity, impaired judgment, lack of education, misogynistic attitude, carelessness and stupidity and it is entirely preventable through a change in attitude and though education starting in high school.

Blaming women for rape is akin to saying rape is unpreventable and therefore it removes the blame from men who rape. It is wrong.

All of us have to figure out ways to fix this situation together here in the West. Then, and only then, we will not have the maturity and strength to help women and girls in developing countries recover from the violence of war and genocide and prosper. Else we are ALL fucked.

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