I fell asleep last night listening to Yoshi shoveling snow and salting my porch. He came over last night to make me dinner and, conveniently, moisturize every last inch of me. Oh how awesome that was. I asked him to be gentle with me but I think I have a case of whiplash.

When my ex arrived at 5:30pm to start on dinner, I was on the phone with my next. Yes it is presumptuous of me to refer to him as my next but it is oh so much fun. He called because I sent him a message telling him I would not likely be available to chat around 10pm. Holidays  mean that there will be days when we do not get to talk to each other. I also miss him when we cannot chat. There is an issue… It is so adolescent… I sense CJO wishes that I was more territorial or jealous where he is concerned. In less than 5 days he will be in NYC with a few (or 20) women who ‘like’ him. I am tinkering on the verge of a relationship status change… BUT I am worried that would cause gossip, expectations and, unfortunately, more aggressive clamoring for MY Man. I do not care that others want him. I do not care that other have him, however they wish and for a brief period. I am however worried that he would be snatched away forever before I even have time to be with him. He is after all my requested Birthday present and that is three whole months away. For the next 48 hours I will ponder if I tell him this or not.

Yesterday I sent him a Youtube video hinting at how I was still busy planning his Birthday party. I have plenty of time to get that done but it’s a huge deal… a huge complicated thing to plan involving a bunch of people I do not know, or rather have not chosen yet. So I sent him something rather cute and romantic. It’s a ruse and a distraction as cute and romantic is NOT my style. I think that surprises are hard to plan. However, using competitive intelligence techniques, I have been able to gather incredibly useful data about  CJO and I just put it away in the file…

Right now I am stealing time. I am sitting in a cafe at the bus depot procrastinating. I should call my mother so she can pick me up but I, technically, have 30 more purposeful minutes to pretend I am not here yet and write. You see, I was supposed to write on my way here but I met the perfect stranger and… well he was quite adorable.

This morning I woke up suddenly and, as usual, 10 minutes before the alarm went off. I KNEW. I knew what I wanted to do for CJO. Only problem with my plan… It’s impossible! There is nothing that turns me on more than an impossible plan! So for the hours that I commuted to the Montreal bus station I hashed out the details of the mother of all plans. This is the kind of scheming that will keep me awake for days and it was going to consume me for three hours had I not run into this sweet boy.

He was in line in front of me and I did not want to lose my spot. He is perhaps 6’3 or 4 with short brown hair, brown eyes. Earnest looking with an unkempt vacation beard. Yum! So I asked him to pretend we were together and in return fetched him a water bottle. I almost grabbed this awful fruit and saccharin ‘tainted’ water. That would have been a disaster! My goal was to get a window seat on the right side so I could rest my elbow. I got to a handsome newspaper-reading man in his fifties. I thought… nah! I convinced him to move so my pretend boyfriend and I could sit together. Mission #1 accomplished… I then figured if I played my cards right I could get a coveted beard cuddle!

What is a beard cuddle you ask? For me it is a tradition that goes back to college days when I used to enjoy, with permission, rubbing my face against Francis’ week old stubble. He was not a classmate, we were in the newspaper committee together. In this case I had to get permission from his girlfriend as well. I had it good in college, I was also on the student board and had many offices so plenty of room to beard cuddle. Francis was my only beard cuddle buddy and no, I never used my multi-office access privileges for anything freaky.  Who knows, maybe the nuns who ran the school had cameras in there!

There is nothing sexual about a beard cuddle. It can be as sweet as me grabbing one side of his face and placing my cheek against the other. It can also be more forceful as when Mr. P scraped my whole face with his 24 hour stubbles in a way that left me with a week long rash. Beard cuddles are as sweet whether they come from friends, lovers and even foes! Perhaps now you can understand my appreciation for my dear Bearded DiCaprio. Today, the thrill of the beard cuddle lies in the wanting, planning and having the balls to ask for it just as much as the getting it. Obviously, no man has encountered a beard cuddle request until they meet me, so the reaction is always entertaining as well.

I had not had a three hour bus ride pass so quickly in years or even forever. My faux boyfriend and I chatted about work and the advantages of management by project. He wanted details so I admitted to him that I tend to do whatever the fuck I want, I multitask. I mean even if I wanted to I will never be in a situation where I do something repetitive or that I have done before. I also entertained him on how management by project is incredibly useful with the ex and the next. I offered him chocolate and homemade toffee. I got some Swiss cheese in return. I wondered what would be interesting to watch in the way of a movie… Did not have anything with car chases. We settled to watch Gunpowder, Treason and Plot. Pretty hard to understand with only one half of a set of iPod headphones. This tided us over  until 10 minutes before his stop. I almost asked out right but figured a detour was in order. I asked him how long he had been growing his vacation beard. He seemed to think that, like most chicks, had something AGAINST his lack of shaving. I simply admitted that I cannot stand to see a beard go to waste and, as he seemed confused, told him that I like to rub my face in it. He sort of continued to talk about something else as we were getting really close to the terminal. I cut him off and said: “You didn’t get what I was asking of you did you?” to which he replied “Oh, you actually want to rub your cheek on my beard?!” So this is how I got a few face hugs and it sincerely made my day.

I always feel a little bit guilty when I ‘take advantage of’ or’play with’ unsuspecting boys. But at least he gets to tell his family he was face rubbed by a strange woman on the bus. I mean most guys like being lusted after or chatted up by girls. He thanked me… for being my faux boyfriend and, if he e-mails me, he will get to read this entry and understand WHO intently and purposefully spotted him on the escalator and got what she wanted out of him with a simple bottle of water on Christmas Eve.