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Month: June 2008

Online (Non)Dating Musings

I returned to Lavalife a few days ago in order to look at their better interface. Actually it’s much worse than it used to be! I created a brief profile in the orange section. I’m not trolling for sex with random strangers I just don’t feel my profile fits into the other categories.

I am looking for a man who is a lion in the board room and a freak in the bedroom.

Writing that phrase made me laugh! I don’t expect to find anyone on LL because I really never have other than Bearded DiCaprio (I restrain myself from writing long posts about how much I adore him; I just tell him as often as I can <3) Strangely enough I got messages from two guys from my past: The Venetian Prince and the Starbucks Dude. I've met The Venetian Prince four times and have mentioned to him that the economic canyon that separates us makes me feel uncomfortable. He is a member of the Colbert “White Gold” Club and left F1 in 2004 before buying a business in Montreal. I do like the guy I mean he is enterprising and bright but he never gave me the impression that he was very much into me. I told him about this too. So again after saying he wishes we could get together, I bet he will continue to not call or write to me.

Then there is the incredibly hot Starbucks dude. We hooked up 3 1/2 years ago and he looks as yummy as ever. I could also call him the milf hunter! He is funny, stable, open minded and a bit Scottish. I can’t find anything to hold against him, he’s all kinds of adorable. I guess he is your average pervertible English-Canadian boy, the kind that makes an excellent long-term secret boyfriend.

Other than that I made a few first contacts with 2-3 guys but I don’t expect anything from it. To make sure they absolutely never write back unless they know what they are getting into I sent them the link to my blogs.

I still have not found a succinct way to make a guy understand that there is no way I will ever be interested in him sexually unless an intellectual connection exists between us. Every sexual advance that comes before that is a total turn off for me.

Recently the shy nerdy guy who used to sit next to me in HS French class asked me out for a beer. That totally made my day until I realized I could not go : ( And I asked him to keep trying but he hasn’t yet. And to think I was jumping up and down about having a chance to catch up with him.

And the Lavalife profile is now deleted.

Theodore Laffoon’s Legendary Journey

Theodore Laffoon lost his left eye in an unfortunate hacky sack accident. That did not prevent him from becoming a world renowned breeder of Siberian cats. Unfortunately, that’s how he lost his other eye.

The first 3 phrases of a novel… I will never write. But there’s nothing stopping you from adding to it.

These short social commentary and comedy scripts are meant to be made into cartoons, videos or art pieces. They are released under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 Canada. To browse the Creative Commons scripts see the Scripts category. I have further material that is too long to post here at this time and will develop into TV treatments.

Creative Commons License
Theodore Laffoon’s Legendary Journey by Eva Vavoom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at www.evavavoom.com.

The New Normal – Lying in America

I preface this by saying that while I live in Canada, the decline of the U.S. empire affects me too.

On June 2nd, 2008 Jon Stewart welcomed former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan on what was, in my opinion, a landmark Daily Show. McClellan is plugging his book “What Happened“. The administration is bringing a lot of attention to the book as well by getting their panties in a bunch. Stewart put McClellan through the ringer in what was one of the most interesting interviews he has ever done. McClellan remained candid while being shushed a la Dr. Evil by Stewart. I don’t know if reading this book will enlighten me or just prompt me to say “Oh the Hell with it, I am powerless against evil giants, where’s my mindless entertainment?” I can say that I will be entertained for years as the underworld of the Bush administration is played out for the world to consume in the form of books and movies.

Over the past few decades we have seen publicly elected officials piss on people’s heads and tell them it is raining. It is affecting Americans in visible ways.

Let me rewind a bit over a decade.

I grew up during the Reagan years so I will skip the obvious Nixon stuff and get to the dinner theater I witnessed myself. During his presidency, Bill Clinton lied about having “sexual relations” with Monica Lewinsky. Turns out she performed oral sex on him and Clinton was arguing on semantics. Obviously, had Clinton just fessed up to it instead of making a statement that “oral sex” is not really sex, there would have been little to speculate about in the following weeks. Hey I’m not knocking oral sex, it’s just that IT IS real sex and it involves the same risks as regular sex (and to those who will reply “You can’t get pregnant from it!!!” I suggest you evaluate your sexual practices based on what you CAN get from it rather than what you CAN’T.) This campaign of disinformation trickled down to teens and recently, Slate revisited the normalization of oral sex (Slate, May 28, 2008) in a graphic statistic-filled article. In fact you can also thank the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal for making it acceptable for mainstream media to titillate viewers with descriptions of graphic sex.

So I guess we all grew up to learn that

  • Friends lie; they must be immature.
  • Parents lie; they must want to protect us.
  • Teachers lie; they have no choice or they’ll get fired.
  • Boss’ lie; they are just protecting the shareholder’s interest.
  • Spouses lie; what they don’t tell us won’t hurt us.
  • The President lies; he just knows what is best for us.

Who will we excuse for lying next?

In the past decade I have seen an interesting trend develop. While those who are older than me (40+) have come to accept a world dominated by corporate secrecy and back-room politics, those who are younger (30-) have come to embrace a world where transparency is a virtue through blogging and vlogging. However, it seems like both worlds exists in their own distinct bubbles. The Daily Show and the Colbert Report seem to have found a way to mix the two up. Unlike the mainstream media, which is now mostly talking about itself and patting itself on the back, the writers for The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have enough cultural memory to hit where it hurts the most with hilarious results.

Last year I explained to someone that theoretically, you could build a statistical model with every single piece of information about a topic (usually historical data) and have all known experts validate the info. Then the system would write the most likely true scenario and change it as new data is supplied and verified. A friend replied simply: “It would not work, there is no such thing as the truth!” Perhaps he did not understand my concept correctly because it DOES take for granted that there is no truth and only seeks to calculate how likely a statement is to be true. Perhaps a worldwide panel of historians could then decide how “thruthy” history should be and we can enjoy the fruit of such an effort.

The American people have been lied to so much they can’t really tell when someone is telling them the truth anymore. Take someone like Barack Obama who is obviously intelligent and sincere. His message is simple and clear yet people are still weary of him. Personally, I think that Bush lowered the bar so low that Barack Obama should be applying for a more prestigious job.

So let me put this in porno terms so you understand what I am trying to say here. In 1997, Obama was in England at a bachelor party in a bar. When the surprise stripper showed up he exited the party. (I heard this on BBC Radio so did this blogger.) So what we are seeing here is that even if nobody’s looking Barack Obama is unlikely to use the Oval Office as a setting for afternoon delight with someone other than his wife.

Avi writes it so I don’t have to: The death of news credibility

In his article The death of news credibility Avi points out a recent bait and switch tactic used by CNN to pull in viewers on a cover story about sex abuses linked to UN and humanitarian workers in many areas of the world.

CNN must have hired a top notch keyword crammer from the porn industry because this story will score high for people looking for Group Sex and Penis Suck.

The story of unethical activities and child/teen abuse within UN forces has been reported in serious and credible media like BBC for almost 6 months. In fact CNNs lack of coverage on the issue can be used as yardstick to measure their lack of regard for truly important issues that face the World. On the linked page you can see CNN’s coverage of UN Abuse on the left and on the right General Web results about the same keywords.

Not convinced? Try to find CNN’s Africa news page. Compare CNN’s Africa coverage with BBC‘s and Radio France Internationale‘s. There are situations brewing in Africa that will affect the rest of the world in th next 30 years, yet CNN does not seem to understand Africa’s place in the chain of things.

CNN, who’s humanitarian reporting is almost nil, did not make reports of abuse within the U.N. a cover story until it had enough pornography in it to excite the viewer’s curiosity.

Porno Review: The Tudors

The Tudors is a costume and protocol fetish series. It is in its second season. I watched the first two episodes last night. Actually it’s a historical drama but for someone like me who measures everything in life by it’s relationship to the underworld of kink, it’s quite an intellectual and visual ride.

I must admit I know little of the storyline as I concentrated my studies on the colonization of New France in the 17th and 18th century when I worked in a religious museum.

This series is supposed to introduce me to a bit of (dramatized) history but I am distracted by the sheer hotness of the actors. The plots deliver sex, attitude, pageantry and plenty of incredibly hot pissed off guys over 30. Too bad Steven Waddington (Duke of Buckingham) gets his head chopped off so early in the story. Sigh!

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