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Month: May 2008

STIs, diseases and other bad beasties…

I was discussing safe sex with my best friend recently and he had the best thing to say about it: “Kids think it’s safe sex because there’s no weapons involved!”

That made me laugh so much!

Also recently I asked my lover “Aren’t you ever worried that I will give you some disease?” and he replied the he knew I would never do that to him.

Now if that answer came from someone else I would have thought it was an idiotic answer. I’ll get to that later. My lover knows that I have a wide knowledge of what constitutes safe versus risky behavior so he has decided to trust me on the matter. I really don’t have as much sex as I could have and even then it’s often BDSM play oriented and quite safe. I still consider that if I ever gave him a disease it would be catastrophic. I am VERY protective of both my lovers and have this complex firewall system that I use to make sure I don’t put them at risk.

But back to the “I’m sure you would never do that to me” statement. Now the thing with STIs is that most people pass them on inadvertently. Most people get them because they haven’t really read up on what constitutes risky behavior and what is truly safe. I read the descriptions of sexual encounters of friends who THINK they are being sexually safe and notice things that are big no-nos! People under 25 are strangely uneducated about STDs/STIs yet they are supposed to be the generation with the most access to information.

Part of staying safe involves not fucking people you don’t know. For me that is a huge factor in staying safe. I just don’t care anymore to have sex with someone I just met. I choose intimate partners for the long run, not the fling factor. First time is amusing but 10th time is much better so why waste my time.

I am 37 and have yet to have a STI/STD. At the rate I am going I will probably never get one yet I have had sex with more people than I can count and don’t see how carving my headboard would be of any significance at this point. I am not Gene Simmons!

I recently felt kind of dick-ish for burning my boyfriend at the stake for sleeping around. Well mostly I felt bad for declaring to the world that I didn’t want to sharing cooties. You have to understand that if he wanders off with anyone without discussing it beforehand it puts me and my lovers at risk. Turn out I dodged a huge bullet by taking swift action right away. Now I am breathing a sigh of relief and I am pretty proud of myself (pat myself on the back.) I cannot emphasize how much of a catastrophe it would be if I ever passed on an infection, however benign to my lovers. Not even a cold… that would be unacceptable!

Brilliant Photographer Meets Talented Teen Star Meets Dumb Media

My daughter loves Hannah Montana and for once I agree with a 7 year old’s choice of music idol. Miley Cyrus is undeniably talented and as long as she continues releasing the kind of music she introduced us to on her “Introducing Miley Cyrus” album she will do well.

What really annoys me though is that the media is so tired of Lindsay, Britney and Paris that they are trying to make every little thing Miley does out to be slutty, whorish and bad.

Adults use younger and younger kids every year in order to make money and I find this page unacceptable (Best Week Ever My Lil’ Miley Facebook Application.)

When Annie Leibovitz took a picture of Sting muddy and naked on a dry lake I was all like “wow!” Did the media make a fuss about it, start writing articles about his privates or making comments about every detail of his body? No.

When Annie Leibovitz took a picture of Whoopi Goldberg in a bathub full of milk, did anybody make a fuss? No.

Then Annie Leibovitz took a picture of Miley Cyrus in a bed sheet. People started crying wolf, making a huge fuss enough to prompt Cyrus to tell the world she was “embarrassed”. This whole fiasco is mostly embarrassing to Annie Leibovitz who delivered a bland, very boring portrait of Cyrus proving that she consulted with Cyrus and her entourage during the shoot. It was not at all inappropriate or shocking! In 10 years, this portrait will have historical significance but for now it is just a boring portrait of a 15 year old girl in a bed sheet.

Annie Leibovitz is one of the most innovative and talented photographers of our era yet most people in America don’t know or understand her work.

Sometimes it seems that people in the media are just too young or ignorant to analyze a situation within it’s real context considering history in the process. They just yap like little dogs at everything that walks by hoping to stir controversy and fill airtime.


By Eva Vavoom

Office Conference Room

Boss: “I am happy to announce that I have just concluded a deal with a full-service Chinese company to produce our tween clothing line for 50% less than the current cost per garment. They do everything, even the product design!”

Melissa: “So what will happen to our design department?”

Boss: “What are you doing here? We don’t need you anymore!”

Janine: “I see this pink baggy sweater here has the word LOOSE in big bold letters on the front. Is this appropriate for 8-12 year old girls to wear?”

Boss: “Don’t you know that loose means baggy? In any case, you’re fired!”

Michael: “…”

Boss: “Well, Michael, seems like we will be producing our tween clothing line for 62.5% less than the current cost per garment even with your promotion to Vice-president figured in. Congratulations on a job well done!”

(Inspired by Girl’s Zombie Cheerleader Costume and Boy’s Pimp Costume via Amazon.com)

These short social commentary and comedy scripts are meant to be made into cartoons, videos or art pieces. They are released under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 Canada. To browse the Creative Commons scripts see the Scripts category. I have further material that is too long to post here at this time and will develop into TV treatments.

Creative Commons License
Globalization by Eva Vavoom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at www.evavavoom.com.

An Open Letter to Corey Worthington Delaney


I think that it is an unfair burden to bear for a 16-year-old to have a whole country absolutely hate you for a lapse in judgement. I cannot imagine how bad you must have felt as you lost all control over your own life and the trust of your parents in one catastrophic night. To fear getting unexpectedly punched in the face by a random stranger while others cheer on.

I think it is miss guided for people to pour their bile, anger and hate on you when there are actual criminals out there. I know you are doing the douchebag thing to feel like you have some semblance of control over your life. The good news is that it can be fixed. You can’t hide behind ugly yellow glasses forever.

Big Brother has given you four chances to redeem yourself:

1. Remove you from your enablers. Those friends and “fans” who benefit from your infamy and think you are cool for being a fuckwit.

2. Give Australia the chance to know you beyond a retarded 5-second sound byte.

3. Place you in the presence of golden houseguests who each have a little bit of wisdom to pass along because they have made something of themselves despite being different and discriminated against.

4. Give you a shit load of cash which you can use partly to re-pay your community and parents for damages.

Corey burning his bridge with Bianca

You say you are not famous… you are right. You are an underage boy who has become public domain. If you had any rights left people would object to a Youtube video where a guy describes how he would murder you… but sadly, Australia won’t even give you that benefit. I never thought I would live to see a day when people have less regards for an immature teenager than a dog turd on a sidewalk. This state of affairs saddens me.

You have to realize that you cannot build a respectable life based on infamy. You represent the greatest (insurance) risk to anyone who associates with you just based on how people react to you whether it’s positive or negative. This means potential schools, employers and even friends. People like you fall into drugs, prostitution and pornography because those are the only opportunities people will offer you. You have only 1 year left before the sharks can legally move in and kill all that is left of you and you will have absolutely no recourse.

Your best bet is to use what is left of your money to disappear for a few years. Man up. Re-invent yourself. I am not asking you to (quoting your parents) “stop doing what you do”, I am telling you to give Corey a chance to enjoy the benefits of being raised (a task unfinished) while existing outside of a prison of hate.

If you were in my charge I would change your appearance and clothing. Send you to technical college under an assumed name in a place where people do not know who you are (hard to believe there is such a place… but there is.) Put you to work in a MacDonald’s or something like that and encourage you to talk to your parents on a regular basis. Introduce you to cool guys who are not fucktards and who’s idea of fun is not boozin’ and pukin’.

If only you could see what that would give you in return. You could live without being stared at or judged constantly. You could have true friends who are not fuckwits who smooch on your “fame”. You could do something with your time that would bring you huge returns in the long run. The best part of it would be to be secure and happy in a calm non-cahotic environment. You would have 1 person in your camp and learn how to build on that.

I have asked a former teenager who understands the previous statements to review and comment on this entry.

When you are done raising you could return to Australia looking like a normal Uni student with a huge smile on your face and go on with a life you have chosen and created for yourself.

As I am writing this, I am watching you throw opportunities away in front of all of Australia (and some of the world.) Big Brother put you inside the highest security prison in Australia in order to give you a public spanking but you’d be better off in a shack in the middle of the country and thinking up a plan for a normal enjoyable life.

Do you sincerely feel that you can act like a dumbass for 4 years and magically turn into a man at 21?

Miss Eva

On Yummy Hotties

I just found out that this yummy hottie I have been chatting with online for 8 months is Lebanese. I just about never chat online with random guys off the Internet. He is the only guy in my MSN who is not a friend, family member or colleague. A is 25 and trying to make his case to be my boyfriend. I find that amusing and charming. So he’s definitely younger than what I want and I have mentioned it many times over. He also knows that I already have two lovers that I adore.

Yesterday he wanted to go out and be spontaneous. I didn’t. I thought it was the most adorable thing though… he fantasizes about doing something spontaneous! Spontaneous makes the heart rate rise for sure. I think he just wants to have spontaneous sex. Just a few weeks ago I was reminiscing with my lover about a spontaneous encounter in a men’s restroom that could have ended in a very public humiliation… for him. Ranks up there as the most outrageous/stupid/dangerous thing I have ever done. But is was fun, mainly because it was in a very nice clean and posh men’s restroom!

So back to A. You know there is something quite alluring about those Lebanese boys. They are Arabic but never overbearing because they are good Catholic boys. I have been this close but have never sunk my teeth into one. Sigh…

The first one, I befriended in college. He was tall, had model features and talked with an accent. He fucked my roommate. I was the only one who knew he was gay. We were in a small Catholic college run by nuns, it was 1988 and guys didn’t wear their GAY like they do today. He was always very lovey-dovey with me and all the girls hated me for it. They never really bought that we were not an item. OMG maybe I was his beard LOL

Second one I worked with. I spotted him in the temp pool and immediately hired him. He is incredibly talented, driven and has stellar work ethics. He was only 21. We worked well together, we worked A LOT. Once, after work, at 2am, he asked me out and I was all like “are you fuckin’ crazy I’m going to bed!” Months later, I did take him out to the movies. We saw “A Dirty Shame”. Yeah… this movie sparks some great conversations! It was a great evening.

Now there’s this 25 year-old engineering student hottie with the soulful eyes just pushing his wares on me… I’ve had plenty of Mediterranean boys but it never sticks. They are usually un-inked, un-pierced and un-cut. I must admit this is incredibly exotic for a small-town French Canadian girl like me but I know we don’t mesh. Probably a cultural thing. From what I can tell A is a very good Catholic boy. I know that the better a boy he is, the more he is dying to do some crazy exciting things. I know I can give him that because I operate in an environment where the sky is the limit. I can make anything happen and each experience is planned to the last detail to leave no scars, consequences or drama. It only seems spontaneous to the guy because in my head I considered every detail long ago.

So on the face of it I should say “No thank you!” but here’s the thing.

Guys who are in highly technical and demanding programs are under-fucked (Okay, so every young guy feels sadly under-fucked but I know whether they really are or not!) “A” deserves some fun!

I still think he lacks all the info to make a decision about associating with me. He has no idea about the kind of parties I take my boys to. He would be very surprised at the lustful attention he would get from my girlfriends (I guess now the word is out that I share my toys)

His considerations for wanting to be with me are completely different than my considerations for being with him. He’s all like: “M.I.L.F., Kewl!” and that’s about it!

If I could picture a perfect date with A we would be smoking shisha in the back of an over crowded Gitane Cafe on Saint-Denis talking about life and maybe even making some sexy plans.

I don’t want to over extend myself though. I just love lusting after a guy. It is something I have only allowed myself to do recently. I have had crushes on guys but I tend to think about guys in a very non-sexual and intellectual way.

But in any case I have to be careful.

I am the Red Pill.

A Special Gift

A Special Gift
by Eva Vavoom

Well-to-do Waspy parents with their 13-year-old son in the dining room.

Mother: “William, your father and I thought that you deserve a gift for getting good grades this year.”

A proud dad hands his son a flat box that looks like a book with the bold title:

The Un-comprehensive
Visual Encyclopedia
Sexual Perversions

The son’s eyes widen as he opens the box to find a Wi-Fi enabled laptop computer.

William: “This is the coolest gift ever! Thanks mom and dad, I love it so much I am going to sleep with it!”

These short social commentary and comedy scripts are meant to be made into cartoons, videos or art pieces. They are released under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 Canada. To browse the Creative Commons scripts see the Scripts category. I have further material that is too long to post here at this time and will develop into TV treatments.

Creative Commons License
A Special Gift by Eva Vavoom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at www.evavavoom.com.

Jimmy Hendrix Had a Sex Tape!

Okay I don’t actually care, I just think it is cool that he made a sex tape when doing so was more complicated than pulling out your cell phone and clicking the shortcut button.

The tape has been authenticated and narrated by none other than Pamela Des Barres. Pamela once bought something for me and she paid by personal check. I told her how cute it was the she of all people had Cinderella personal checks. You see, Pamela Des Barres is a legendary groupie who wrote a book about her lifestyle and eventually married Michael Des Barres of Power Station fame. You can find the Hendrix Sex tape at hendrixsextape.com

My idea of a good weekend

I have spent most of the past 2 months sick on every free weekend I had, and come to think of it on every not-free weekend too. Every two weeks I have a childless Saturday afternoon and evening that I may use for the purpose of ‘wasting’ the day away. The next day (Sunday) I usually have a very productive uninterrupted day of inspired creative work.

This means that on Thursday afternoon I begin to dream about what I could do on that day. Right now I am thinking about how great it would be to spend my whole Saturday afternoon knitting and watching all the Julie Delpy movies I have not yet seen.

Here’s my problem… tomorrow I should catch up on housework I was not able to do while sick. I also have a quasi-professional event and a gig in the evening to go to. Will I go? I really want to get out of the house!

I have a solution for this and it is to take my lover up on his offer to have a whole-day date (on Sunday) which is basically the same thing as my version except with sex and video games. Hmmm… let me make a few phone calls.

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