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Month: March 2008

What Wicked Search Terms Did You Use To Land Here?

Here is a list of recent search terms used to find stuff here. These are only the funny or perplexing phrases that are not covered in my blog.

big brother poland sex (now I have to download that)
free sex in montreal (sex is free everywhere)
want marry free (those mail-order bride are getting too expensive?)
dog hood fetish (Once tried to find info on the web because my dog was getting unfortunate erections, not even going to Google that one.)
cute pictures of 13 year olds (Try Sears Catalog)
free sex in toronto (again, sex is free everywhere)
free sex pron online in ask .com (try ask.com)
free sex puke video (Hey I know where those are but I won’t tell you!)
fun sex in montana (Montana has the most single men per women, I’d find fun sex there in 10 minutes flat! Hmmm… cowboys!)
is tilda swinton a transexual? (That would be cool, but no!)
jump porn (I feel for you sweeties, I really miss Girls jumping on trampolines too.)
kingsize sex (Yes, sex is better on a king size bed)
lover sex apple (Err, try a banana, less dangerous)
miss vavoom sex (You wish!)
mom free sex (Do you shovel snow? Nothing is free you know?!)
private phone number for sex saint laurent (Try Craigslist)
sex 13 years school free (Again not sure I am reading this right)
pussy sex 13years (Ah those magical 13 year olds)
scar sex free (Could you be more vague?)
show blood coming out of your prons show free pictures (Try here!)
unhappily ever after insult relationship (hmmm, gotta look this up)
wanking blog (wanker!)
watch transsexuals having sex for free (One word of advice, it’s more fun to watch transsexuals having sex in person than on the Internet)
weak free sex (don’t get it)

With Great Breasts Come Great Responsibilities!

Not to diss the amazing secret handshake but I found Effy’s teacher quite entertaining this week. Here’s the video.

Plus Sized Men’s Thongs


Via: Teddygirl.com

Let’s face it, a thong will not do anything for a skinny guy and wont help a fat guy either even with a huge kiss on the crotch. My lover has a thong, it’s silver… I hate it!

I want to see my Scottish boy in a Utilitikilt! Now that’s hot 🙂

More mockumercials available here, my favorite: Round 1 Winner: Fire! features a hot guy with mad skills 🙂

C’tune pute!

I have been thinking in English since I was about 12. I started watching soaps and game shows in English when I was 5-6. Then I realized I didn’t have to wait years to see CHiPs or my other favorite shows in French.

After that, I just learned everything in my new adopted language and became obsessed with info-tainment in the form of 20/20, Dateline and 48 hours, travel shows and This Old House.

Can you believe the term info-tainment used to mean: “News stories produced in short interesting segments.” (my own description). Today the term “info-tainment” doesn’t exist anymore because the word “news” refers to never-ending descriptions of Britney Spears panty-less partying.

So it’s fair to say that I have not been pondering semantics in French for a long time. I thought this video was precious. Basically it goes through the male definition for a large amount of French words then exposes the fact that the feminine version simply means: “whore”. A simple example of this in English would be Dog/Bitch. Luckily the French feminine version of programmer still means programmer!

What Is This Fish Pie Thing?

You know most people come here looking for ‘permission to say cock’ although by default this site ranks somewhere with the terms ‘free sex’. Now there are many sites that promise free sex so I only get visits if someone writes ‘free sex something weird and unrelated’.

Can you believe someone reserved the domain name jamesmaysmut.com? There is nothing there but anyhow, funny.

I have run out of things to watch with James in it. James on music, food and technology is much more accessible to me than cars. Getting 50%-100% James content in 20th Century and Oz and James has been delightful. One day I will write down exactly why I think that James is an amazing guy and not just post random funny bits about him.

While double checking on some strange James May related search terms that people used to come here, I stumbled onto two delightful things.

I am posting the best picture of James I ever found. He is sitting in a jet engine!

James May Jet Engine
(Picture BBC, Article: James May’s 20th Century)

In the meantime, I share this video of James eating rotten shark like a man and making fish pie. Four hours to make fish pie!? It only takes me three hours to make sushi for 4 people! Still, gotta ask James for his recipe and try it.


Online dating: OK Cupid

A bit over 3 years ago when I became single after 10 years in long-term monogamous relationships, I signed up for Lavalife. I quickly found out that people don’t really use the dating and relationship sections, just the “player” one. I was kind of put off by most profiles and only got messages from 20 year olds. User base is a bit young. Still I met the most wonderful guy (still lovin’ after more than 3 years!) and also became acquainted with someone who introduced me to my friend Viky and consequently most of my female friends in Montreal. He also became a friend and frequent business partner. So while I think that Lavalife was mostly a bad source of datable men, there appear to be a few good apples in there.

I tried Science Connection. It is a site for science geeks. I have known of its existence since 1990 when they ran ads in Toronto weekend papers. I used to have a lot of time on my hands while working in a museum and would read the Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal Saturday papers from cover to cover during my shifts, including the funny personals. SC has very few members in my area, like 3 at the most. I dated M., a 52 year-old scientist who passed for 30 everywhere we went. He’s since move to Toronto. I also went on a date with a German post-doctorate from New York City. We ran around Soho looking for official fireman t-shirts. Often, very geeky guys find me amusing (maybe attractive) but are too shy to do anything about it. But it’s okay, it’s a date not a contest.

I was invited by a geeky friend to try Badoo (He’s yummy but would rather talk about dragons than take me out.) Profiles on badoo are robo-texted from a membership form. It has a wide base of users from other countries. It is also full of ‘Nigerian’ scammers. I quickly noticed that men on Badoo do not have reading or writing skills. Here are a few funny ones:



I deleted my profile a while back. I was irked by the messages I was getting even though I was specifically asking for LOCAL only, no chatting or camming. All I got was crude requests written in LOLCat. I could not find anything redeeming about Badoo to tell you about.

I recently created a profile on OKCupid. I joined a while back because of the funny tests.

As an aside, here’s my recent collection of funny questions from the site.


That’s what people in polling call a leading question. Bombs, no but AWESOME bombs, maybe!


This one from an equality and acceptance test. Had some interesting questions!


This from a sexual purity test that has 100 question and failed towards the end. I don’t have the patience to do it again. To think that when I saw this question at first I was like: “Kewl a new sex thing!”

OK Cupid is actually a dating site. It’s free and it is full of geeks!!! It must have a lot of shirtless 20 year-olds with backwards caps but I can’t see them because of the matching system. I feel like it’s 1994 again and I am surrounded by true tech nerds 🙂 I already know W. my best match on the site. He clocks in a 80% compatibility way above everyone else. He is a fantastic person so I have confidence in their matching capabilities. I am surprised that guys read all the way through my purposefully long profile and make specific comments on parts of it. Wow, they can actually read, and even between the lines, impressive!!! Now all I have to do is kick myself out of the house to go on a date and I am doing that tonight.

How to scar your child for life

When I am not busy scarring my own child for life, I like to read about how other parents are scarring their own child for life.

Of course, I am tempted to give this award to Oklahoma representative Sally Kerns who rants against homosexuals while she thinks only her base is listening. She is a former schoolteacher who is married to a pastor and has two grown sons… errr, one son because she disowned the gay one and recently removed mention of both of them from her official page.


But today I wanted you to put yourself in the body of a 6 year old pageant contestant. She comes home from school one day to find her mom had her pageant photos professionally retouched to this:


from this:


But I have to admit this whole pageant crazyness is very inspiring and if I ever write a pageant related story it will be quite horrific and tragic. I don’t see how I could ever put a positive spin on it.

Source: queenbeanantiques on eBay

Think Geek!

I recorded a new podcast yesterday night. I am just too swamped to edit it right now but I should get to it soon enough.

Big Brother: ‘Til Death Do Us Part is such a snooze. I am just so excited that Beauty and The Geek is around once more. I rarely review TV shows because I watch everything 1-3 days late! T minus 4 hours until I watch the first episode. There are always two or three geeks I absolutely adore out of the bunch. I’ll append my podcast to mention who gets the love this season.

Tilda’s got it right

I saw Orlando when I was 21. I highly recommend this movie to everyone and want to see it again soon. I have been intrigued with Tilda Swinton since then. She is very mysterious, beautiful and regal looking. I like it when I know little about actors, it makes them more believable with each role.

Recently the press has been all over Tilda for taking her lover to the Oscars. People speculate about her family arrangements as if they understand it. They don’t. I do not think that her life is much different from that of other folks who are a bit more evolved and can see beyond the traditional rules of marriage. I think people who can manage family and love beyond the 1+1 ratio should be praised. If they do it openly, they should be praised even more! Having a non-traditional family situation is hard work!

Tygrbabe attracted my attention to this article on Polyamory in Wired Magazine. Everyone should learn about polyamory and discuss it with their friends or lovers. It’s not so much a sex issue as it is one of friendship, relationship, honesty and love. It doesn’t matter if you consider yourself poly or mono, the process will invariably trigger some interesting conversations or arguments about how each thinks adults should relate to each other.

Here’s another idea: Let’s have a cooperative reality show (Survivor style but in comfortable digs) where one of the teams is made up of poly people and the other one has only swingers (two very different categories of lovers most often lumped in together.) Now lets see how they interact within their own team and with the other. That would be just too interesting.

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