“It used to be that you would have to search long and hard to find porn and for the past decade you have to make an effort to avoid it! And now with all the major medias contributing to the effort by talking about porn star's affairs and politician's private trysts, the news itself has become porn!”- Miss Eva Vavoom

(This post was written around April 17th and remained unpublished for lack of time to finish it.)

There are some interesting insights on social changes that can be gleaned from Tiger Woods’ string of affairs. For the most part I do not feel like knowing much about the intimate details of his affairs. I also stay away because it infuriates me how young women use their closeness to (or hook up with) celebrities to promote their decorative career. I don’t read the gossip rags anymore… I don’t have to because even the ’serious’ press like Huffington Post and CNN is plastered wall-to wall with the details of celebrity and political sex scandals. And even as a sex-positive woman it annoys me to no end to have to wade through personal details that are none of my business to get to news content about serious issues. Maybe this obsession with other people’s sex lives tells us a lot about the state of American’s sex life (or lack thereof.)

One of my partners has been in SAA for 6 months because he has serious affective issues and social anxiety and he also seems to have fetishized himself into a corner where no woman could meet his expectations… Other than that he’s a gorgeous athletic man whose always the life of the party and all the women want to have sex with him. No, I’m not talking about Tiger Woods, but the similarities are striking! Tiger is the guy who is keen on having threesomes and extreme sex acts as we find out by gleaning at his mistresses’ published text messages.

Here’s the problem with that scenario. When a man’s expectations of sex have been distorted by pornography all the women in the world will not provide him with the reward or feeling he is looking for and being the guy who HAS access to a lot of beautiful women creates a perfect storm of issues that usually become more and more destructive to one’s life. I understand that Sex Addiction is not a recognized addiction (an it doesn’t really have much to do with sex either) but when a man pursues sex aggressively he is ‘chasing’. And it’s called chasing because there is not catch to be had… ever. There has been an amazing change in my partner since I dumped him and he started SA treatment in late November 2009 but he remains a diva and still thinks it’s a virtue. (When I told him this he though I was paying him a compliment which adds another interesting layer to the intended conversation.)

I am not against having fun, in fact I participate in incredibly fun BDSM and Sex events with my friends and originally I was keen on organizing a birthday orgy for my partner. When I realized that he had issues with sex I thought that this would be an incredibly negative and disappointing experience for him and everybody else involved. I took my cue from John Doe, a porn star who was a sex addict and drug user who eventually committed suicide. Yet John Doe’s job was having sex with the most beautiful young porn stars on a daily basis and to most people that would be a dream job. I watched John Doe through the years become more and more critical of the women he worked with, something that is obvious in the attitude of a lot of male porn stars who have been around for a long time and his substance abuse eventually became apparent as well. Yet I would love to write John Doe’s life story because I feel it is an important one.

When men hit that place where women just don’t do it for them anymore (even though they pursue women for sex a lot) they take it out on women rather than face the fact that they are the one with the problem. I wonder why am I surrounded by awesome intelligent and attractive hot men and my partner is going on and on about how every women he meets is not his type or up to par! And that is why it has become annoying for me to bear the burden of women around my partner being frustrated with him for being indifferent or ’stringing them along’. I mean I am in the same boat but I have a very general view of the situation and understand that it has nothing to do with me specifically.

I sent him home last week and informed him that he would no longer be my priority, which is hard for me to do because I tend to assign attention based on seniority. Making that decision and taking that step has resulted in the two most successful weeks of my entire life when it comes to my career and happiness.

There are plenty of men in my life who do not consume any porn. And my answer is always “Really?!” because it’s become so pervasive it’s disturbing. It used to be that you would have to search long and hard to find porn and for the past decade you have to make an effort to avoid it! And now with all the major medias contributing to the effort by talking about porn star’s affairs and politician’s private trysts, the news itself has become porn! Turns out the Clinton-Lewinski affair really did change the landscape of what is discussed in the news and for the very worst. And now, sadly, we are all stuck in porn land.

But I will repeat it, men who do not consume porn are generally more satisfied with their life and happier.