Puremoan

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Month: April 2008

I told my sys admin he was blow-job worthy

To which he replied “Thank you :)”. And to be honest with you that is the only appropriate answer to my compliment. I judge people by my own standards and I rarely explain these to others. Truly compatible people seem to know what I mean.

For instance the highest level that can be achieved in physical attractiveness is “Yummy”. But yummy-ness is not achieved by being cute alone. There has to be something else going on there. Take the cast of this season’s Beauty and The Geek. One may gravitate towards Tommy Severo (the sweater vest enthusiast) as the cutest but there was only one Yummy candidate this season: Jim Babcock (The video game programmer.) In fact both these guys are at the complete opposite of the second axis of yummi-ness. One is incredibly stuck-up when it comes to sex and the other one seems eager to get some (as it was obvious how Jim interacted with Tiffany at the Football game and beyond. ) So for me being halfway decent look-wise is completely useless if I can’t work with you.

I was disappointed that Jim got the boot before the makeover. Anyone who hides behind so much hair and tries to pass as a shaggy dog needs a makeover. He got his makeover last week and I was not that surprised by the results. I thought he would turn out looking more Gyllenhaal than Gosling. But it’s cool how he has no idea who Ryan Gosling is. That’s why I like geeks.

So back to the blow job worthiness thing.

Oral sex used to be my favorite thing (hence why I came up with the blow job worthiness index) but I have not had that many blow job worthy guys in my life for the past few years. In fact some guys think I am not into oral sex at all… Well maybe it’s because you’re just not that blow-job worthy! I am not saying I am that great at it by any means. A few months ago I lost a “suck-off” by a huge margin! The only reason I was not crushed by this loss is that it was to a trans guy who explained in detail how his technique was acquired so he would be accepted by gay men as one of their own. Well jaded oversexed gay men are definitely not my main “clientele”. My blow job non-technique is “put it in my mouth and enjoy”.

(UPDATE: Apparently I did not lose the “suck-off” in question LOL.)

I cannot tell you how many social conversations at semi-business events I have had with guys where after the fact I figured out that all they wanted from me was a blow job. All that staring at my boobs and making comments about my lips had nothing to do with Web 2.0. Life must be boring after you make it to C.T.O. or V.P. because those are the guys who are most often guilty of trying to get a quick fix with a total stranger. Not classy! Trying to pick me up is a bit useless because I definitely need time to confirm a connection and that can take me 4-6 months no matter how hot, rich or famous you think you are. The best way to get close to me is to figure out a way for us to spend time together by doing cool fun geeky things. That’s way more complicated than dating. This is how I approach people I dig as well.

Now the honor of being blow-job worthy can only be bestowed on someone who will go out of his way to do something for me without any expectation of getting something in return. since I have met him Mr. Sys Admin has done really cool unexpected things that often totally make my day. We met at a Midori “Bondage for Lovers” class and his first impression of me was seeing me tie up a 19-year old boy with ripped up bed sheets! Later he called me out of the blue to ask me to be his partner at a 2-day rope bondage class. Not only was that class fun but I got to tie him up in all sorts of cool ways! Did I mention he is yummy?! He is quite geeky as well which makes him a triple threat. Out of the blue last year he just kissed me. I was way too surprised to do anything about it. We’ve had long discussions (some live some chats) that delved into BDSM negotiations and it’s always remained quite intellectual and pleasant. Both of us have jobs and partners who seem to use up all the free time so I very rarely get to see him in person.

This weekend he helped me set up my Linux server the right way. I was supposed to go to his place but decided not to go pass along my cold to him.

So if I ever tell you you are blow job worthy you should just say thank you an be happy that I regard you as being in the small top tier of awesome keen guys on this planet. I am not really saying you deserve a blow job from me specifically as much as…


Pretty VS. Pretty: You Decide!

I swear I was just doing research but I went to see College Humour’s Hottest College Girl contest and my head exploded. How am I supposed to choose between these two. I can’t tell them apart! Though they are quite beautiful, they represent a very narrow definition of American Beauty. When we do something similar here in Montreal, we should not have this problem!

Talk Dirty, Descriptively in Porn for the Blind

Regina Lynn talks about descriptive porn for the blind in Sex Drive this week. The title made me chuckle but the article is interesting. And to think it is a non-profit that is making porn accessible to the blind. Personally I often turn the sound off because porn actors cannot keep themselves from saying mean, dumb and misogynistic things and it ruins the mood 😛
I listened to one of the reviews which is basically a woman reviewer describing what she sees in a gallery on one of the sites. The review is quite professional and pleasant.

Stay Away From That Scalpel!

ETA: My submission to Lickety Split‘s ‘Risk’ issue. Not ‘Risqué’ enough so I post it here.

In the past year my body has changed. For 14 years I struggled with an insulin-resistance condition that drastically altered my body and my brain. The most drastic effect was not the abnormal weight gain but the lack of a menstrual cycle. I don’t mind being overweight, I hated not feeling much like a girl.

For some reason, as my body grew older I grew out of that condition and now enjoy a normal menstrual cycle. I am also gradually loosing weight. I even have PMS! In many ways I am 13 years old again, gifted with a changing body and brain and not too sure what to make of them.

But I wouldn’t want to change it. I know that what lies ahead is a thinner body. Who knows, maybe my more chemically balanced body will learn how to tone the skin it doesn’t need anymore. At least I hope it will! I must learn to mourn the loss of what little junk I had in my trunk. I’m not going to stuff my ass with implants or wear padded panties, a 1950s trend that is coming back today.

I will continue to evaluate my body in a qualitative way, not a quantitative way. Is my body doing for me what I want it to do? Aside from the perpetually sore back I acquired in a close encounter with a Mazda Protégé, I feel that my body mostly does what I want it to do.

I am happy with me.

Apparently that is not good enough, I now need a Designer Vagina and a G-Spot Augmentation! Those crazy procedures are not new, I’m just surprised they are not going away.

On Designer Vaginas…

A designer vagina is what you get when a surgeon nips and tucks the labia (inner lips) so they are not as visible anymore. The labia is the part of a woman’s vagina that becomes engorged with blood during sexual pleasure. It’s not that obvious but if you must really see for yourself, I would suggest Lea De Mae in Private’s Dangerous Things. I’ve heard of guys fantasizing about a more protruding labia, never the other way around. It’s one of those ways a guy knows he is a decent lover. Don’t snip them away!

Patients who sought genitoplasty “uniformly” wanted their vulvas to be flat and with no protrusion, similar to the prepubescent look of girls in Western fashion ads, they found. Findings of Sarah Creighton, Gynaecologist and Lih Mei Liao, clinical psychologist,
Via AFP on breitbart.com

My vagina doesn’t look similar to the prepubescent look of girls in Western fashion ads and it shouldn’t. I actually love the fact that I am invisible to men who are in into the prepubescent look of girls in Western fashion ads! These men used to bug the hell out of me when I was twelve and I’m so relieved I grew out of their radar.

However, I have to admit that the prettiest vagina I ever saw up close was surgically created. Years ago I met someone who had just had her SRS. She walked wobbly and and sat on a cushion. She promised to do a show and tell one day. And last year she did and for a few hours I had total vagina envy!

On the G-Spot Augmentation…

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I first read about the G-Spot Augmentation it in Emmanuelle Richard’s blog in 2004 but I dismissed it and went on with my life. This is an injection made into or close to the G-Spot, making it larger. It’s efficacy is un-proven medically, I have yet to find credible patient accounts. The list of possible complications is horrific (taken from the the patient consent form.) Moreover, each injection costs up to 2,000$ and lasts about 4 months. Don’t plastic surgeon also take that oath that basically means: If it ain’t broke don’t fix it!

Two years ago today I was in a workshop given by my friend Viky about the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation. My friend Jess was also there and she wrote about it. We women are under so much pressure today. Not only do we have to do all the same things the guys do, we have to look perfect doing it even though the baby puked on us. Now it appears we also have to ejaculate like men do.

Enter the G-Spot, mysterious source of pleasure misunderstood by the masses. It took me 18 months to crack that one. I didn’t seriously work on it though, I have other things to do, but sure enough it happened. All this time to figure out that while it’s very entertaining, I can’t shut it off! Dammit!

I met a girl named Waterfall last October. She is a very happy-go lucky person. She makes sure to wear Depends whenever she knows she will find herself in an exciting situation. And believe me that is not a fail-proof solution. T, a girl I hung out with after her encounter with Waterfall wondered how she would feel walking home. Her pants were absolutely soaked! I don’t want to wear Depends, at least not for another 30 years!

So this whole G-Spot thing hasn’t really paid off for ME, but that is fine because I am a sexually active woman with normal sexual function. If I want to take my sex life to another level I have to look to ME to educate myself and work on it with my lover. And if my lover doesn’t want to accept me the way I am or learn how to please me well I will just find another one.

I believe we have a miss-conception of what is normal sex. Is a guy sky-diving on his bike really showing us the true pleasure of cycling? No, but it’s cool to look at. We already know that porn is not a real representation of how people have sex but why do we buy into it anyway?

I will not turn to dubious devices, drugs or surgery to enhance what is normal.

The risk is too high.

Kinquallerie: Inflatable Bondage Chair

There was a time when the phrase “good sex toy” was somewhat of an oxymoron. I will try to find you some good ones but sincerely, I trip over bad ones all the time.

kinquallerie-inflatable-bondage-chair.jpg

Inflatable Bondage Chair.

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